The ER is Alive with the Sound of Doctors
by The Corrupted Banana Llamas
Summary: What do you get when you add a pinch of LUBY, a dash of REELA, lots of fluff and some songs thrown in there for good measure? Look inside to find out... FINALLY updated 21st Jan 2009
1. Luka

**A/N: **Right, I've been given the task of explaining the main points of this story to y'all… 'Kay well each chapter focuses on a particular character more than others and is written by one of us:

- Chapters about **Luka** are written by _xEllax_

- Chapters about **Abby** are written by _Peaky_

- Chapters about **Ray** are written by _Alik22_

- Chapters about **Neela** are written by _Moonlight_ _Enchantments_

But we all sorta help each other out and often include other characters in our chapters. Every chapter has a particular song in it that has been altered slightly 'cause we can all just imagine "ER the Musical" and thought it would only be right to share this vision with the world!

This chapter revolves around Luka as its written by xEllax, but I am aware that it seems far more Reela than Luby… in fact the first few chapters are more Reela, but don't fret all you Lubies out there, as soon as Ella and Elissa get going, there'll be NO way of stopping the Lubyness:)

Hope you like!

* * *

Our story is set in Chicago, on a particularly cold, dark December evening. The streets were bathed in a milky twilight and the first few flakes of snow had begun to fall delicately not long before. By this point however, the flakes were being whipped up into a frenzy courtesy of a fair-sized accumulation of fans positioned slightly off camera. Evidently, it was winter. It always is in ER. It was clear that the directors went a bit overboard with the snow machines, but who can complain about that? Well the actors could actually, considering the fact that they are the ones who have to trudge around in the heat of summer wearing woolly hats, scarves and gloves, but that's not important, is it?

At a small round table in the corner of Ike's, possibly the most used bar in all of Chicago, sat two figures. Actually, it wasn't a bar at all, just a studio, but it was well done and complete with bar stools and waiters. As far as sets go, one would say Ike's was pretty good. Now, the characters positioned here posed a contrasting pair: one tall, the other shorter, one European, the other native, (well, native to America that is!) one dark, the other fairer. Yes, you would say that Luka and Ray formed an unlikely alliance physically, but they had struck a friendship, quite probably due to the strong bond shared by Abby and Neela, but it was a friendship none the less. It was a friendship in its early stages, a friendship where a large quantity of alcohol must be consumed in order to fill the awkward silences. Yes this could have been avoided if the writers had only jotted down a few more sections of dialogue in the script, but where's the fun in that?

As it was, a vast assortment of bottles and cans of all different sizes and colours, had been collecting on the table for the last couple of hours, all of which were now empty. It would be fair to say that both Luka and Ray were considerably merry by this point. Oh why not go the whole way and say they were drunk? With alcohol comes courage, misplaced courage that is, and it was this courage that provoked Luka's next move...

He leapt back from the table; his stool crashing to the floor behind him in what he hoped would be a dramatic manner. This sudden movement caused Ray to jump, whilst simultaneously making him tip a small amount of beer down the front of his shirt. Luckily the directors had anticipated this, and Ray had been dressed in black so as not to reveal the beer stains he would obtain throughout the course of the evening.

Before Ray could protest, Luka had darted up to the small area of raised flooring towards the front of the bar. Well no really. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that he 'galloped,' leaving a trail of upturned stools behind him. But either way, upon arrival, he grabbed the microphone out of the hands of a surprised band member who had been happily performing to the congregation of extras gathered before him, and turned to the crowd. Clearing his throat, Luka introduced a dedication in his thick Croatian accent.

"Ray, my friend, this one's for you..." He paused and then proceeded to motion towards his right. Music began to play and magically, the instrumentalists knew exactly what to play and when their cues were, well this is TV after all!

"_I know you like her,"_ He sang.

"I know you like her!" Came a series of harmonized voices from people who poked their heads out from behind Luka, one on each side of his face.

_"I know you do," _

"I know you do!"

_"That's why whenever she comes around you can't stop smiling, and I know you want it..."_

"You know you want it!"

"_She _knows you want it, man!" Luka called, waggling his eyebrows at Ray across the room.

"Oh Luka, you know I can't declare my true feelings and yet you taunt me in this spiteful way! Oh cruel, cruel world…" Ray announced, the back of his hand clasped to his forehead.

In response, the director screeched, "We are trying to stagger the introduction of angst in this scene Ray, work with us baby, work with us!" Ray nodded and turned back to Luka who was impatiently tapping his foot against the floor, clearly irritated that the action was no longer on him.

"Oh and Abby knows you want it..._ we **all** know you want it! It's easy to see,"_

"It's so easy to see!"

_"And in the back of your mind, you know you should be home with her and not out drinking with me," _

"Is that a hint?" asked Ray, a look of hurt gracing his face.

Luka proceeded to ignore this comment, shooting Ray a look of sheer malice at his interruption, which, on anyone else, would have been quite unattractive, but surprisingly complimented his features. Then again, when did Luka ever look bad?

"_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like mine?" _

"I don't have a girlfriend Luka!" Ray shouted.

"But you wish you did!" Luka smirked before returning to his musical interlude, _"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a Yank like mine?" _

Now it was Ray's turn to laugh, _"_You've never ever said that in your life have you?"

"No, no I haven't, and I won't be doing it again!" Luka responded sincerely.

_"Don't cha? Don't cha?"_ He continued, wiggling his hips, to which, numerous female extras swooned. "Sorry ladies, I'm taken!" See I told you alcohol makes you bold! _"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fresh like mine?"_

"Promise me you'll never say that again, Luka! Croatians can't use slang, I can't even use slang, and I'm American! You would think that the writers would realise that by now, but no..." He murmured to himself.

"_Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like mine?"_

"Hey!" Ray retorted, "Neela's fun!" Oh shit! Realization hit him, he'd just admitted it, maybe Luka would be too drunk to notice?

No such luck.

"I'm jolly, not stupid!" Luka called out, it was as if he had read Ray's mind... television works in wondrous ways! "You admitted it, you think she's pretty, you want to hug her, you want to kiss her..."

A prompt nudged Luka in the ribs and whispered, "Wrong song, dude!"

Undeterred, Luka went on, _"Don't cha? Don't cha?"_

"Shut up Luka, you're drunk!" Ray screamed over the music and bobbing heads of the extras who had risen from their seated positions to dance around the room.

"That I am my friend, that I am. But no matter how much you make me drink, you won't be able to make me forget your confession!"

"What confession? I didn't make any confession!" Was Ray's pathetic attempt at a double bluff.

"Oh come on, you don't seriously expect me to fall for that trick, do you? That's the youngest trick in the book!" Luka said and smiled mischievously.

"Oldest man, the _oldest_ trick in the book!" Smirked the prompt from off-screen.

_"Don't **fight** the feeling," _He continued, placing certain emphasis on the word 'fight' and taking this opportunity to glare at the prompt, who cowered away in the corner, hiding his face behind his clipboard.

"You can't fight the feeling!"

"_We can all see it!"_

"Seriously stop, you're embarrassing yourself, Luka!" Ray tried once again to get his friend to sit down and shut his mouth, but one look at Luka's ginning face told him if he wanted to stop the song, he would have to try a more physical approach...

He jumped up from his seat, and was disappointed that his movement had not attracted as much attention as he had intended, the stares of the majority of cast and crew were channeled at Luka who was currently swinging his hips quite provocatively! Ray wobbled up to the stage as quickly as he could, grasped the microphone from another extra, and took up his position beside Luka.

"Leave me alone!" He sung.

"Just leave him alone!" Came a voice from the left-hand side of the screen. A flash of ginger hair, illuminated by the glare of the spotlights, gave the character's identity away.

"Morris!" Ray waved, obviously pleased at the introduction of an ally.

"Think about who you take sides with, remember who's the Chief of the ER here!" Luka said, his chest swelling with pride at his recently achieved position.

Morris turned to Ray, biting his bottom lip. "Sorry man, we doctors in high positions have got to stick together! You understand you're still my main man, my homeboy, my brethren..."

"Just stop Morris, I've already had this slang talk with old funny-boy here," he said, jerking his thumb towards a wildly grinning Luka.

_"Cause it aint love,"_ Ray sang, his mellow voice ringing out across the bar.

"Keep telling yourself that Ray, maybe one day you'll believe it!" Smirked Luka, he was loving every minute of this performance and Ray's defiance acted as an additional plus."After all those one-night stands, your seeds have been sewn…"

"Nice bit of improv there Chief," it seemed that wherever he was, whatever he did, Morris always found a way of sucking up to those in higher positions than his own.

"Excuuuuuse me!" Ray said, his mouth gaping in shock, "Don't you lecture me you hypocrite, I was always careful; besides you're the one with the pregnant girlfriend!"

"Let's keep it friendly," Sang Ray doing his fair share of hip wiggling.

"You and Neela or you and me!" Luka joked. "I mean, sure I'm flattered but I've got Abby and I'm more than happy with her. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you're not a good-looking guy, you are… and if you're looking for a male partner, I'm sure Nsync fan here could help you out…"

"Hey! How many times must I tell you people? I'm not gay!" Morris yelled, his face flaring a similar shade to that of his hair.

"Chorus time, people!" Screamed the director from slightly out of the audience's view.

The music stopped momentarily as the cast, including extras scurried around in a mass of confusion and loud whispering, trying to get into position for the main number. Once order was obtained once more, a crescendo of various musical instruments provoked the singing as before.

_"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like mine?" _Called Luka, as enthusiastically as ever, _"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a Yank like mine?"_

" I actually happen to like the British accent!" Ray pouted.

"I bet you do! _Don't cha? Don't cha?"_

"You do don't cha!" Morris sang accompanied by several extras from the crowd.

_"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fresh like mine?" _

"Seriously Luka, if you keep using that, you're gonna get us all shanked. Oh dear, the slang in this scene is dereadful! Messing with the script is a bad idea… trust me the director isn't a man to be trifled with, (and neither is Kerry Weaver, but that's another story!")

_"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like mine? Don't cha? Don't cha?"_ The tall Croatian doctor stared into the camera for a short period of time before continuing with the song, _"I know she's on your mind,"_

"Hit it Ginger!" Shouted a seemingly drunken extra.

"She's always on your mind!" Morris warbled in his soprano voice.

_"I know we'll have a good time…"_ Luka frowned, "This wasn't the message I intended to get across! _I'm your frieeeeeend,"_

"You won't be for much longer if you keep singing!" Ray protested, but his response was inaudible under the cheers and shouts of Luka's audience.

_"I'm fun!"_ Luka bellowed, raising his arms to the crowd, who responded by cheering even louder than previously.

"Nope, no way, you just think you are," muttered Ray sulkily.

"Harsh words Barnett, harsh words!" Luka cried, "It's a good thing that I'm too drunk to take your comment to heart, huh?" Here Luka paused for a long time and all went silent and still in Ike's. If this had been set in Texas, the occasional ball of tangled tumbleweed would have rolled across the screen, but as that particular variety of vegetation does not grow well in Chicago, none was seen.

"Um… Luka?"

"Yeah?" He replied, somewhat breathlessly.

"Erm… not trying to be rude or anything but, but um… what happened? You're supposed to be singing you see…"

"Well I figured the next few lines don't exactly fit, so I just thought we could take a short break? You know, take a breather?"

"No way Kovac, time is of the essence, we have to shoot another three scenes before lunch, so keep going!" Barked the director.

Launching straight back into the song with excessive energy, Luka sang, _"See, I know she loves you,"_

"We know she loves you!" Came the accompanying extras.

_  
"Believe me,"_

"You've got to believe him"

_"I'd probably be just as crazy about you if you were my own man,_ and if I was Morris…"

"Oi!" Morris cried in defiance.

_"Maybe next lifetime,"_

"Maybe next lifetime…"

_"You'll tell her,"_

"He's going to make you..."

_"Until then, oh friend your secret is safe with me,"_

"That would be all well and good if it wasn't a lie!" Ray said, sighing.

"It isn't a lie… I've only told Abby who told Haleh who told Chuny who told Albright who told Morris who told Pratt who then told the world…" Luka reasoned and then looked up to the ceiling, pondering his statement, "Yeah you're right, everyone knows!" He shrugged before leading the congregation of extremely energized cast back into the chorus.  
_  
"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like mine? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a Yank like mine?Don't cha? Don't cha?_ _Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fresh like mine? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like mine?"  
_

**_"Don't cha? Don't cha?" _**He shouted, punching towards the air as the drums and cymbals crashed. Then the entire set was engulfed into darkness.

"Come on people, move it! Back to the positions at the start of this scene, someone get some more bottles on that table! Lights up in 3… 2… 1…" As if nothing had happened, Ike's was restored to its former tranquillity, and Luka and Ray slumped back onto their stools, (both of which had been picked up) with a bottle of beer in each hand.

"Letsss play-a game," Luka slurred.

"Soundsssss like a good plan," Ray answered, in much the same way, nodding so heavily that his hand shook and another splash of beer emerged on his shirt.

"Truth or dare!" Suggested Morris, before his head slammed back onto the tabletop and his deep snores filled the room.

"'Kay!" Luka started, almost every other word interrupted by a loud and throaty hiccup, "You-first…um… truth-or-dare? Pick-one."

"Truth!" He exclaimed, "No, actually, you'll just make me confesssss and then you'll tell Neeeeeela, I'm too smart for you Kovac," at this point, he stabbed his finger at his friend's chest, "I wanna dare instead!" He grinned lopsidedly, proud that he had foiled Luka's plan. Little did he know that Luka had another plan up his sleeve… Well Ray did know actually, having read the script before shooting the scene, but knowing that just spoils the atmosphere, forget I said it.

"That'sssssss it. You got me Barnett!" He sighed, raising his hands in mock defeat, "I'll just have to think up some sort of dare for you now, won't I…? Erm… I've-gottit! I, dare you to tell Neela how you _really_ feel about her!" He leant back on his stool only to realise that it had no back to it, and tumbled to the floor, spraying himself and the surrounding extras with alcohol from the bottle that was still clasped in his hand. Moments later, his head emerged just above the tabletop, and a huge grin was fixed upon it.

"Alright!" Ray said, the influence of alcohol now so intense that he was willing to do anything, even the thing he wanted to do least in the world. "It'ssssss a deal."

Grabbing a pen from Morris' pocket and a beer coaster from a nearby table, Luka dictated:

_"I, Doctor Raymond Barnett do hereby declare to undertake the mission granted to me by **Chief** Luka Kovac, in which I will confess my love for my Roomie, Neela Rasgotra, to her face. If I go back on my word, I give permission for the aforementioned **Chief** of ER, Luka Kovac, to **beat my ass** at pool, take photos of the event, and post them to **all** our coworkers at County General Hospital, therefore destroying my dignity, future career, and general life. This may be taken as proof of my agreement."_

_Signed,_

_Luka Kovac and Raymond Barnett_


	2. Ray

**A/N** This chapter was written by Alice (Alik22)

The song in italics is "She Moves in Her Own Way" by The Kooks but I've changed the lyrics so that's why if you don't recognize them – you haven't gone completely mad! )

* * *

Having spoken to Luka yesterday night, and with the terms of their drunken agreement still resounding in his ears, Ray walked silently beside Neela as they made their way to the El train after work.

The beer mat was still in the pocket of his jacket, as Luka had slipped it in there as they left Ikes at around 1 o'clock in the morning. They had been kicked out of the studio as it was needed for a sitcom later that morning. Ray fiddled with it as he walked and as they passed a busker sitting on the sidewalk, strumming a familiar tune on his guitar, the idea hit Ray that he should declare his love for Neela through the magical medium that was song.

"Sorry dude, can I borrow this for a second?" Ray said as he grabbed the guitar from the bewildered busker. And Ray started to pick the strings of the guitar, facing Neela he began to sing, rocking back and forth to the melodic tune. _"So at my show on Monday, I was told that someday you'd be on your way to better things," _

"Sorry Ray, not meaning to stop you half way through, but you didn't have a gig on Monday."

"Well just pretend I did, use that imagination of yours doctor Jumbo-mart," He smiled and carried on with his song. A crowd of about 7 extras was starting to gather on this particular street of Chicago.

"_It's not about your make-up, o how you try to shape up. To these tiresome paper dreams, paper dreams honey,"_ at these words he leaned so that his face was almost touching hers, she moved away turning her head so not to look at him. But she couldn't help but smile.

"Neela, please don't smile, you'll ruin the angst in this scene." the director shouted from somewhere off camera

Shooting the director a look she turned back to Ray, "for your information, I'm just organized. It's good to plan in advance" Neela said indignantly

"And Ray will you just stop this singing about love, it's positively silly, you don't love me."

"Singing is not silly, music is life, it's etched into my soul. As that famous English bloke said "if music be the food of love, play on" so I will..."

"_So now I pour my heart out. You're telling me I'm far out. You always nag me 'bout the chores._

_I'm done with all the flings. 'Cause I'm a better man, moving on to better things"_

"Ray you do realize what your proposing here, no more groupies coming back to the apartment at all hours, do you think you could manage that?" the sarcasm in her voice was so much that Ray chose to ignore it. Launching into the chorus with such vigour that it made her jump slightly,

"_But uh oh, I love you because, you move in your own way." _A brass band came marching down the street; the symbols clashed on beats 2 and 4. The crowd that had surrounded them at the start, were now roaming the street, the fashion seemed to have been stuck in the 50's _"budget cuts"_ Neela thought. Trilbies and canes were sported by the men and the woman's dresses twirled as the whole street became alive with noise and dancing. _"But uh oh, please come to my show Just to hear about my day"_

"Ray I work with you I can hear about your day any time."

"But the point is you don't come to my shows!"

"_And at the show on Thursday"_

"Ray its Tuesday!"

"Will you stop interrupting my flow, and it could be last Thursday for all you know..."

"I was in a mindset. Dreams of you with spangled boots" he gave her a wink and she looked at him aghast,

"Doctor Barnett I'd never wear spangled boots, I have class."

She gave him a flirtatious look which provoked the next line of his song "Looks are deceiving, making me believe it. And these tiresome paper dreams. Paper dreams honey, yeah!"

"Pre-chorus!" Ray shouted as the extras got into position to start a tap dance, they all leaned down fingers posed in the clicking position as they shimmied backwards in the middle of the road.

"_So don't you go far. Tell you you're a keeper. You always nag me 'bout the chores"_

"That's because you don't ever do any!" Neela cried as ray put down the guitar and grabbed her round the waist, spinning her round.

"_I'm done with all the flings now, 'cause I'm a better man, moving on to better things"_

"Chorus!" shouted the busker who had taken up Ray's post of "lead guitarist" when he had started to dance with Neela.

"_Everybody! But uh oh, I love you because, you move in your own way. But uh oh, please come to my show Just to hear about my day."_

"If I sing this bit enough will you think about coming to a show?" Ray asked her as he dipped her in his arms so that she almost touched the pavement.

"Maybe, I'll think about it, and if you could possibly let me go, that would be much appreciated."

"Sorry," he stopped holding her and grabbed the guitar from the busker again, who looked slightly left out.

"_Yes my wish's that we could've made it. Through all the summers"_

"Ray what's that meant to mean?"

"Erm... I don't know I didn't write the damn song, and I couldn't change the lyrics for that bit because nothing seems to rhyme with summer!"

_"Lots of takeouts instead of, cooking me something with lots of herbs in" _

"Hey that's not fair, I'm an okay cook." she gave him a hurt look but he couldn't help but laugh as he repeated this 8 bar melody,

"And I don't even cook with herbs!"

"Again, Neela, when I re-write lyrics they have to rhyme, I could only think of herbs to rhyme with suburbs. I told you Neela, use your imagination!"

"Right last chorus everyone: _But uh oh, I love you because, you move in your own way.  
But uh oh, please come to my show, just to hear about my daaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"_

At this last long note Ray knelt down in front of her,

"So what do you say? Will you come to a show?"

"Ray, we have to go home, we have work in the morning!"

The street suddenly became very silent. All the extras were getting ready to go home.

"Right everybody, that's a rap!"


	3. Neela

**A/N Hey! Well, you're still reading the parody, so YEY! This one is written by Moonlight Enchantments, I hope you like:**

**The song here is "The Boy Next Door"**

* * *

The scene opened with a shot of her hurrying through the corridors to the lounge. Neela sighed and leaned against the lockers. Oh, she couldn't breathe. She'd just been in another trauma with her love. Doc Rock. The Dispo Doc. So many names, but only one was hers and hers alone. Roomie. She could hardly stand when she heard him say that to her. She'd heard he had a similar reaction to her calling him Barnett, but of course it never showed. With those two, it was never allowed to show. Everyone knew it, the writers, the cast, the viewers; they'd all known it from the moment Ray Barnett stepped on set that he and Neela were _meant to be_. But they'd had to wait two seasons, and the writers weren't planning on letting them out of their misery yet. Neela decided that something had to change. She _never _got to talk about her feelings for Ray, well if she couldn't talk, she would sing.

"_The moment I saw him smile_," she broke out singing, "_I knew he was just my style, my only regret is we've never mettttt, though I dream of him all the while_."

Abby, who had been standing by the coffee maker, gave her an odd look. "Um... who are you singing about?"

Neela sighed again, "Ray," she said breathlessly.

"But... you have met Ray."

Neela shot her daggers. "It's not my fault the whole entire song doesn't exactly fit the situation!"

"Sorry."

Neela snorted and flounced out of the room. As she walked down the corridor she continued. "_But he doesn't know I exist, no matter how I might persisttttttt, so it's clear to see there's no hope for meeeee though I live at_," she paused -knowing the next words didn't fit her situation either. "Um... _the room nearest the bathroom and he lives in the room nearest the living roommmmm_."

"Smooth cover up there," Morris said as he passed.

"Thanks. Hey, I didn't know you were a fan of..."

He stopped her by covering her mouth. "I'm not. Never mention this again. If you do I will kill you, and your little dog too."

Neela nodded. "Alright..."

"Good." Morris walked off, cackling to himself. Neela shrugged and continued on her walk to the drug lock up. Oh how she wished she could find Ray there, and confess all her feelings. But alas she couldn't. No, the writers wouldn't let her do _that. _You know, the easy way out. Uh uh. With "the roomies" as she'd heard they were called, it was angst all the way.

"_How can I ignore, the boy next doorrrrrrr, I love him more than I can say, doesn't try to please me, doesn't even tease me, and he never sees me glance his wayyyyyyyy_."

"Sing it girl!" A patient shouted.

She decided to get into the flow and began holding her hands to her chest as she ran down the corridor, exclaiming her love.

"_And though I'm heart-sore, the boy next door, affection for me won't displayyyyy_."

"That sentence always seemed a little off to me," Sam whispered as she passed Neela -who by this time had climbed onto a gurney and was kneeling, holding her hands out and singing to some unseen force that seemed to be residing slightly off camera.

"_I just adore him, so I can't ignore him, the boy next doorrrrrrrrr_." After waiting the correct amount of time for the instrumental bit, filled by the sound of beeping machines, she continued, "_I just adore him... so I can't... ignore him... the boy... next... doorrrrrrrrr_." With each pause she clenched her fist, and batted her eyelashes. As she finished she collapsed on the gurney, one hand trailing over the side while the other rested on her forehead.

When she'd waited in that pose for a while and had still gotten no attention, especially from the one person she wanted it from, she got up and marched down the corridor muttering something along the lines of;

"Stupid bloody writers. Why can't they write me a bloody good love scene. I'd got it all set up for them and everything." Then she paused and twirled dramatically, shaking her fist -again at the unseen, of camera, force- "Fine! If you want me to be angsty, I can do angsty!"

She collapsed against the door of the drug lock-up, fighting tears. "Oh," she wailed, "I can't think, what I can do? I love him, yet I can't be with him because I just can't. Plus he probably hates me now, even though he just confessed his love to me two episodes ago, with a very amusing street-dance scene I might add. But still, we can never be, and I must avoid him at all costs, even though all I really wanna do is rip off his sexy t-shirt and paint his nails for him. Among other things."

Again her little outburst received no notice, apart from that of an orderly who kindly came over and explained; "Sorry sweetie, the action's with Luka at the moment."

Neela groaned and went to collect the drugs she'd been pretending to need for the last few scenes.


	4. Abby

**A/N Hullo there you funky people! First off, we would like apologise, this update has taken much too long! Our only excuse is our being very busy. But this is a nice long juicy chapter to make up for it! And we're already working on the next lot of chapters, so hopefully you won't have to wait as long! **

**Also, this chapter is in three part because it was written by two people. Yes, in the mind of The Corrupted Banana Llamas that does make sense. Basically, Ella and I (me being Kenzie) took over the writing of this chapter because Elissa decided the Parody wasn't for her. So I wrote the first part, Ella wrote the middle bit, then I wrote the last teenie bit, again because of busy schedules etc. I think it all flows anyway!**

**So, this is really for all your Luby's! And there's still a pinch of Reela, obviously! hehe, I hope you all enjoy!**

**And to all you Americans, I'm very jealous that you have watched the first episode of season 13! No fair! We have to wait for "the new year"**

**Oh and the song is from Grease... that's pretty obvious.**

**Love and crazyness,**

**Kenzie (Moonlight Enchantments)**

Summer Nights – Part 1

Abby entered the ER with the vague feeling that something was going to happen. She wasn't far wrong, something always happened in the ER, it was pretty much par for course on a TV show. It would be a pretty boring episode if nothing happened. Besides, something was _always _happening, people were breathing, moving. But perhaps we're reading too far into the idea of "something". What our dear Lockhart meant was something big. She had just returned from her summer vacation and still hadn't caught sight of a script; she knew this was a sign of trouble to come.

She passed Luka, Ray, Morris, Jerry and Pratt at admit. They were all leaning casually against the desk, and she saw both Luka and Ray had styled their hair into what looked like... quiffs. Ray pulled out a comb as she passed and began styling his hair again. She shook her head; this heat must be playing havoc with their simple minds.

But, as she got into the lounge she realised it wasn't just the male doctors who had gone a little crazy in the heat. Neela, Haleh, and Chuny were all wearing wide, pastel coloured skirts. Sam was leaning against a locker, chewing gum nonchalantly. Chuny had her hair in bunches and Haleh was checking herself out in a mirror.

"Make-up," someone called from off set. Suddenly two girls ran up to her, and forced her into a pale yellow dress, head band and plastered rouge on her cheeks.

"You look positively rosy," Neela whispered with a smile.

"What's going on?"

"We're doing Grease, for charity."

"We're doing what?"

But Abby's questions were put to and end by the director who shushed all the girls, saying their scene was almost coming.

The camera panned the guys, many of whom had now donned leather jackets -despite the heat.

"So, how was your summer, man?" Ray asked, while combing his hair once more.

"Oh, I spent most of it at the beach," Luka replied, nodding his head.

"The beach?" the rest exclaimed, "Tell us about it."

"Aw come on, you don't wanna hear all the corny de-tails. Alright, I'll tell you..." he waited for the musical cue, then sang "Summer lovin' had me a blast..."

"Abby, it's you!" The director shouted.

"Oh um... summer lovin' happened so fast," she sang, feigning a girly voice.

"I met a girl crazy for me."

"I met a boy cute as can be," Abby sang, painting a smile across her face. Who said she wasn't good at improv'?

"Summer days," they harmonised, from a cut screen angle, "Driftin' away to uh-oh those summer nights."

The rest of the cast joined in, "Tell me more, tell me more."

"Did you get very far?" Jerry asked with a wry grin.

"Tell me more, tell me more," the girls sang.

"Like does he have a car?" Chuny asked, batting her new fake eyelashes tremendously.

Luka began to strut away from the desk, followed by the rest of the ensemble. "She swam by me, she got a cramp."

"He ran by me, got my suit damp."

"I saved her life, she nearly drowneddddddd."

"He showed off, splashing around," Abby giggled. Neela looked at her, astonished. She had never heard Abby giggling.

Both Abby and Luka clasped their hands and sang together, "Summer sun, some things begun, but uh-oh those summer nights!"

"Tell me more, tell me more!"

Neela asked gleefully, "Was it love at first sight?"

"Well no, I mean we started out, broke up and then we eventually, oh... sorry!" Abby said, as the director glared at her.

"Tell me more, tell me more."

"Did she put up a fight?" Ray sang with a devilish grin. Then he added, "Hey, dude, seriously why are all of us guys such perverts? I mean, Jerry's got a wry grin, I have a devilish grin. What other pervy grins are there?"

The director merely said, "Shut up."

Luka tried to stifle his laughter by singing, "Took her bowling, in the arcade." Unfortunately, laughing and singing don't mix and it came out rather strangled.

"We went strolling, drank lemonade!" Abby sang, leading the girls in a skip around the room.

"We made out," Luka sang, raising his eyebrows, "Under the dock."

"Jeez," Ray interrupted, "There we go again, being perverts. We do have fan clubs, you know, we need to look after our reputation."

"We stayed out, till ten-o-clock." Abby rolled her eyes. "Seriously, couldn't Neela have been Sandy, she's so much more similar."

"Hey!" Neela said. "I'm nothing like Sandy!"

"Sure you're not... who said you were?" Abby asked.

"You did!"

"Girls, please, we have a chorus to get to!" The director snapped. He had a feeling this was all falling apart, his writers had done a brilliant job with the script but these actors simply weren't pulling it off. Little did he know that no-one had actually got a script, and they were all working from memory of the film. If he had known that he would have thought two things. One, they were all supremely annoyed at having to work under these conditions and they had watched Grease too many times, and two... wait that is two things.

Summer Nights – Part 2

The point is the director was right to be concerned. Though the exact extent to which his concern should have been placed was far, far beyond his wildest expectations. You might argue that, as the director of an action-packed hospital drama, he should really have foreseen the set of events that was about to unfold, but in all fairness, he could not be blamed for what was about to happen. It must also be noted that if indeed the director had had a notion that the ER cast members were about to take conventional musical theatre, bind it together with some Chicago-style magic, and produce what they did, he would _never_ have aired it. All directors have their reputations you know.

One camera focussed on Abby, circling her face; alight with a radiant glow as a result of a golden-bronze sheen that had been plastered across her cheeks only minutes before. Another trailed Luka, who was leading the majority of the male cast in a large procession on the other side of the set. Both doctors pressed their right hand to their forehead in a dramatic fashion, as they sang, "summer fling don't mean a thing, but uh-oh those summer nights."

Luka frowned slightly, clearly unhappy with the message being put across, and Abby opened her mouth slowly in silent protest.

"Tell me more, tell me more," the rest of the ensemble sang.

Luka cleared his throat before saying, "um… excuse me?"

When this request failed to receive any response whatsoever, he repeated the question; noticeably raising his voice to accommodate for the loud music blasting out from the speakers stationed ever so slightly off-camera. Although it would appear at first that this change in volume was only noticeable to you and I, someone on set heard, and this triggered off a train of signals accumulating in a silence on set.

"I'm sorry to butt in, especially since you seem to be doing such a great job here," Luka smirked, gesturing towards the director, whose response was a simple shake of the fist. "But I can't but make a point of the fact that I don't feel that these lyrics are doing Abby and I any justice."

"Not everything is about you two, you know," spat Sam angrily, her stance against the lockers remaining uninterested as she continued to chew, as nonchalantly as ever, on her gum.

"But we're hot this season!" Abby said, smiling broadly.

"We're _always_ hot baby… RED hot!" called Luka with a sexy growl.

Abby's face flushed a deep scarlet as she winked back at him. Luckily the make-up had been pasted so thickly upon her face, that only those very close to her could see this change in complexion. Unluckily for Abby, Neela was standing right next to her, and responded by digging her elbow into her friend's side, shaking her head.

"Don't you play the innocent with me Neela," Abby grinned before adding, "Don't think I don't know what you and Ray get up to on those _extra_ long coffee breaks!"

Now it was Neela's turn to blush!

Following an exasperated sigh from the director, Pratt launched into his line with as much excitement as he could muster, (he'd only that morning returned from Darfur and was slightly jet-lagged, a condition not aided by the swirling colours of the girls' skirts,) "but you don't gotta brag!"

"Tell me more, tell me more," sang the female cast members.

"Cause he sounds like a drag." Muttered Sam, the venom in her voice becoming more apparent with every word she uttered.

Abby glared at her across the room, but sadly the full effect of this was lost as a result of the tinted lenses in Sam's thick-rimmed sunglasses.

"That's it!" Abby announced picking her was across the floor through the empty food wrappers and benches that had suddenly appeared on the scene. She stopped in front of Luka and, reaching up to drape her arms around his neck, she whispered into his ear, "Let's do this _our_ way!"

Luka placed a quick kiss on her cheek and nodded, a huge smile playing at the corners of his mouth, and a playful glint sparkling in his eyes, "Let's do it!" he said softly.

Off-screen, the director was being worked into a terrible frenzy, all his hard work was melting before his eyes and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He would have to rely on plain old fate to salvage the situation, but the question was; could fate be trusted? The simple answer being of course not!

Abby sang, "He got friendly, holding my hand," to which Luka took her hand in his, (I know it's not particularly original, but that line doesn't leave much room for alteration does it?) and perched on a nearby stool.

"No! No! NO!" screeched the director, "They're supposed to be in separate shots until the big finale!"

But as usual, his pleas were ignored.

"While she got friendly down in the sand," Luka sang, waggling his eyebrows mischievously, whilst wrapping his arms around Abby's waist and pulling her into his lap.

Abby grinned as she sang in a high-pitched tone, "He was sweet, just turned eighteen…"before leaning back so that her mouth was in-line with Luka's ear, and whispering, "You may be the ER Casanova, but I'm not sure that you could pass for eighteen."

"I'll prove you wrong later on!" He added with a wink.

Abby asked, licking her lips, "Is that a promise?"

"Yes, it most certainly is!"

"Shut up!" Wailed the director again, "Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"

Abby said, "I'm sorry."

To which Luka supplied, "I'm not!"

"Shut up!" Abby smiled, playfully smacking him on the arm and sliding off his lap.

Luka jumped off his stool and was immediately surrounded by all the guys who were slipping the previously donned leather jackets from their shoulders, and sang, "Well she was good you know what I mean!"

Ray, Morris, Frank, Jerry and Pratt feigned extreme shock and bewilderment as directed by a prompt standing somewhere in their lines of vision, by way of a large sign. The jackets all fell to the floor as the accompanying cast sang together, "woo, woo, woo!"

"Tell me more, tell me more," came the girly female voices.

"How much dough did he spend?" Haleh sang, pouting at the camera. She had been given a large helping of shiny lip-gloss to wear, and chose to make the most of it.

"Tell me more, tell me more," echoed the guys.

The camera focussed solely on Morris for the first time in the whole scene; "Could she get me a friend?" He sang.

Luka rolled his eyes in exasperation and proceeded to flick Morris in the face with his stethoscope, (When, I hear you ask, were the ever pieces of medical equipment in Grease? You're right. There aren't any in the real Grease, but in the ER-version, stethoscopes are vital. Well no, the fact of the matter is that Luka didn't have time to take it off… remember, this whole musical thing was a surprise to everyone! Quick changes were never Luka's forte!) Ray silenced Morris by shoving a doughnut into his gaping mouth. It seemed to do the trick, much to everyone's delight!

Summer Nights -Part 3

Abby sighed, then sang quietly, looking dramatically off camera; "It turned colder, that's where it ends..."

"It's always cold in Chicago," Neela muttered. The director shot her a look, things seemed to be working out, and no-one was going to mess that up. When he turned back to Abby and Luka, Neela stuck her tongue out at him, making Ray smirk. She looked over at the drug lock-up, and he nodded. She quickly slipped off set, followed closely by Ray.

Of course no-one noticed them, everyone was much to fascinated by Luka and Abby's performance. When Luka had said red hot, he was right, there was practically steam coming off them. I say practically because fake snow doesn't actually give off steam... Anyway.

"So I told her we'd still be friends." As he sang he grabbed her hand, pulling her back towards him, so their bodies were pinned against each other.

"Then we made our true love vow," Abby said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Wonder what she's doing now... Hey, that line doesn't really work, seeing as we're in the same shot and..."

"Shut it Kovac," the director said, "Just finish this god-damn scene!"

"Summer dreams," the couple quickly harmonised, "Ripped at the seams, but oh... those su-ummer... Niiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhhttttttssssss."

"Tell me more, tell me more..." The rest of the cast -bar Neela and Ray- sang slowly, swaying slightly.

"And that's a rap!" The director shouted, collapsing into his chair. He had no idea what the ratings board was going to make of this.


	5. Neela 2

**A/N Hey there Parody-Readers! I hope you're all happy, I am because I just got my internet back after three weeks (which would explain me not reading anything of anyones, sorry! I'll try and get round to all these new chapters soon) So yeh, I'm back, and wham bam we are posting another chapter (mine, that I wrote a while ago) It's a bit short, sorry, but I hope you'll like it anyway! More on the way, for definites!!!! Expect the unexpected and you might be close to what we have planned! LOL!**

**Moonlight Enchantments x**

Chapter Five -Neela

Everybody Wants Ya

Written by Kenzie

Neela smiled as she lined up outside the club. Normally, lining up outside a busy club in the freezing cold wasn't her cup of tea, or coffee, but tonight she was too happy to care. Tonight was the night, the big night. Finally, more than two seasons worth of angst was coming to a close. No more sneaking about, her and Ray could finally be a couple. That's right, her petitions to the creators, directors and anyone else who would listen had won them over. And tonight was their big night.

She looked to the side, as was her cue, and saw Ray walking into the club. He searched her out and winked at her. She gave a stupid grin, then burst out singing, she was too happy not to! "_I get this feeling as you walk away_... In there... whatever... _A million hearts will break in two_."

A few extras around her began to click their fingers, swaying a little and adding "oh's" every now and again.

"_But they don't know the games that you can play_." She looked at the director, who was luckily looking the other way -it wasn't a nice look. "_So they will always follow you_."

"Um, excuse me," A man behind her tapped her shoulder, looking inquisitive.

"Yes? Would you like an autograph?"

"Oh... no it's not that, I was just wondering... how exactly does this song fit?"

She gaped, they weren't meant to question her song choice. Question why she was singing, yes, but not her choice of song. "It fits, alright, just wait for the rest, that ok with you buddy?"

"Sure..." he said, backing away slowly.

Neela walked up the line, pushing past everyone, surely they had enough shots of her waiting, she wanted to be in the club. She got in and saw Ray dancing on the floor, she stopped and blinked, again being guided by the stage directions.

"_Every time you move, everybody grooves_," she sang, as everyone joined in the routine Ray had started. "_I can't help thinking it's alright_."

"_Alright_!" Chorused the barmaids, her new back-up singers apparently.

"_You just gotta walk, see the people talk, I like to watch you party_!"

Ray heard the lines and began strutting up and down, through the crowd. He liked the way this song was going.

"_'Cos everybody wants yaaaaaa, when everybody sees yaaaaaaa_."

"Wow, I never had you figured as someone who would say "Ya" instead of "you"," Abby said, from off set. She had been hanging around in case anybody needed some advice, so far so good though, she'd been able to sneak off with Luka.

"It's the song, not my fault," Neela said, "_The world is full of dreamers, but I'm a great believer, and I'm no fool_... Not a word Barnett! _Because I've got you_!"

Ray pulled an innocent face, "I wasn't going to say anything! And how exactly do you have me?"

"_I see the way you act like you don't know, there's something 'bout your attitude_..."

"You so don't have me Rasgotra," he said, grinning, and pulling an extra towards him. Female and gorgeous, obviously.

"_And it don't matter how far you go_," Neela sang, pleased with how well the song was fitting. This would show that guy outside, "_Because I'm the one that's going home with you_."

"Oh I like that offer," Ray said, raising an eyebrow. He let go of the blonde extra -oh, yeah, she was blonde as well- and took hold of Neela's hand. He swirled her into him, then placed a hand on her back, and took up a professional dancing stance.

"_You just gotta bump, see the people jump_," Neela sang as Ray led her in a wild, complicated version of some dance that was between a tango and a waltz, "_I can't help thinking it's alright, when you do your thing, everybody swings, they like to watch you party_!"

The club was transformed, suddenly everyone had a partner and was following Ray's steps. He was suave, he hadn't made any signal, but they'd all followed him anyway. That was the art of a true professional.

"Hey, this is _my _chapter, not Ray's!"

"Yeah, but you love Ray, so you would be thinking all that stuff," the director said, waving his hands at a set guy, "Release the glitter Dave!"

Neela shrugged, "Yes, I suppose so."

A cloud of glitter fell on the dancers as she sang the next lines, "_I just wind you up and let you go_," she said, dancing away from Ray and into the arms of another extra. "_And I want you to wonder, to see the look upon your face, I'd say you already know_!"

It was true Ray didn't look bothered at all, he just held his hand out. She took it, obviously, who wouldn't, and they continued their dance.

"_'Cos everybody wants ya, when everybody sees ya, the world is full of dreamers, but I'm a great believer_..." The dance slowed to a stop, they were standing in the spotlight, this was the moment.

She looked up into his eyes, and smiled. He smiled at her. They knew, finally, their time had arrived. The angst was over, and it was fluff time! Roomie fluff, the best kind, I've heard.

"_And I'm no fooooooool, 'cos I've got... You_!" she sang the last line then went on tiptoes, he leaned down and...

"Cut!" The director yelled, "That was great everyone, but I want to do this number one more time, from the top people."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo," Neela wailed, going onto her knees and holding her hands up to the sky, in a dramatic fashion. "Why? WHY?"


	6. Ray 2

A/N **I'm taking a different approach to this chapter, as its half narrated by Ray, Detective style!! and half by a narrator... this is a really random idea because the song in this one is "Why Does It Always Rain On Me?" By Travis but it has been re-written by me to fit better and so I thought we'd set it in the rain, then I thought "Oh... singing in the rain" then it went to Gene Kelly "Singing In The Rain" to trench coat and hat to detective story... **

**Yeah so that was mine and a bit of Kenzie's train of thought for u and here is the story D**

**Kenzie's note: Hey, I did a bit of beta'ing, and idea making on this, but I just wanted to say that the italics are Ray's (detective style) voice over, ok?**

* * *

_It is raining, Why is it always raining? _That was a question only the director could answer but this was a rhetorical question, asked by a huge speaker that projected Ray's voice over the set, while the real Ray sat pondering at a desk at the admit area. TV truly is a magical world.

_I was thinking back to last night. I was so close to it. I could feel it, the case would have been closed and I could have gone back to what I do best. The woman had walk into the club just to see me, I felt the spark between us and I knew I was about to discover the truth. But I was too late, and the scene was cut!_

Abby then interrupted Ray's conversation with himself "Ray?"

_I answered_... "umm hmm?"

"Why are you in a trench coat and trilby hat in a hospital?

_I hadn't noticed that my attire was slightly different than usual, must be a new wardrobe, I lowered my eyebrows ..._ " well I could just go ahead and ask you, why your dressed in an over sized fur coat and heels, let alone your bright red lip stick and hair curled, so tightly."

_Abby looked at me as if she too had only just noticed that our clothes were ever so slightly... stuck in a time warp. I was about to mention to Abby that I was on my way home, before she went and mentioned something that got me thinking_...

"So how did it go with Neela last night?"

"They cut the scene, right before I got to kiss her, will they ever stop tormenting me?" _I asked with a hint of bitterness in my voice._

"Aww, Ray I'm sorry, think how long it took to get me and Luka together, but it should all turn out alright in the end."

_Abby... Always there to give advice..._ "well I'm heading off home now so I'll see you tomorrow_" I walked out into the rain, and down a deserted street, all that stood in my way was a lamp post._

Indeed the street was deserted, and indeed all that stood in that street was a black steel lamp post but what Ray had not considered in this scene was that he was expected to dance.

_I don't dance, I've never danced but that night, I danced_

And, he did dance, and very skillfully indeed. Starting off with a step ball change but as the night continued his steps became more advanced. And suddenly Ray found himself bursting into song yet again, seems to be happening a lot lately.

"I won't sleep tonight  
couldn't kiss you, everything is far from alright  
Still I could close my eyes  
If I'm seeing her as a princess and me as her knight"... _After this little out break I realized what I was doing, I was tap dancing in the street singing a song, this is not my style. But I just can't help myself; the need to sing is too great..._

And Ray was off again, tapping slowly down the street swinging his umbrella sadly at his side. And then he did something the director did not intend him to do; he started to dance around that one solitary lamp post and sang...

"Sunny days  
Where have you gone?  
I get the strangest feeling we belong  
Why does it always rain on me?  
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?

_Actually I've lied a lot in my life time, I wonder why they picked that time_? he glanced to the sky trying to picture his teen years...

_Ah yes I remember now... I chuckled to myself slightly and then remembered I was in the middle of a chorus..._

Why does it always rain on me?  
Even when the sun is shining  
I can't avoid the lightning"

And at that, a bolt of lightning came down and narrowly missed Ray who nimbly tapped out of its way.

_The rain was still coming down around me and then I noticed someone move in the shadows_

"Leave me by myself  
I'm being angsty..." _The person, still wasn't entirely sure who it was, stayed were they were..._

"fine suit yourself then  
Still here though, singing when  
I got my mind on something else"

The person, in fact lingering in the shadows was a young woman dressed in a short black dress that clung to her figure, complimenting her curves. She again just like Abby wore red lip stick, but she carried a feather boa around her neck. She must have been freezing standing in the rain.

_I was singing again, this time seeming out of control. I was tapping faster now and opening my umbrella up and putting it down and then it was up again and then down... that button is far too much fun_.

"Sunny days  
Oooh, Where have you gone?  
I get the strangest feeling we belong  
Why does it always rain on me?  
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?  
Why does it always rain on me?  
Even when the sun is shining  
I can't avoid the lightning"

The woman at this point stepped out of the shadows; Ray looked at her and she at him. "Neela?"

"Hey Ray" She said sheepishly "I just wanted to tell you, erm... I was gutted when they cut the scene last night."

Ray looped her arm trough his. "Come, walk, dance and sing in the rain with me – hasn't quite got the same ring to it?"

And once again Ray was singing...

"Oh, where did the blue skies go?  
And why is it raining so?"

_Neela joined me in the song at this point_. "it's so cold."

"Neela of course it's cold, it's only just stopped snowing and now it's raining... the weather in this show has really got to start getting better... and look what your wearing!!!"

Ray handed her his trench coat and looked her in the eyes and sang

"I won't sleep tonight  
Still haven't kissed you, weathers far from clear and bright... I had to rush through this line because who ever re-wrote this song had to go and put to many syllables in"

"Still I could close my eyes  
I'm seeing you at the end of all these nights  
Sunny days  
Where have you gone?  
I get the strangest feeling we beloooonnnng"

Ray elongated the end of his word, getting down on one knee and placing Neela on his lap he said

"Neela I L -

"Ray get up off the floor your getting the trousers dirty we have to put them back into wardrobe you know!" shouted a man with a clip board and ear piece from off stage .

* * *

**I'm ever so sorry if it's confusing, I tried to set it out as clearly as possible but two narrators is a bit hard especially when one is a character and its not quite in the 1st person and I don't think its as funny as usual but hey, what do I know.. ??? S **


	7. Abby 2

**A/N Well hello there, lovely Parody-Readers. Have you missed us? I bet you have! Well, darn Real Life, that pesky thing, has been catching up! All of us are in major exam years, and they're piling on the work. We've also recruited a new member, Heather, whose chapter this is! Luckily, because of a mix up with chapter orders and continuity issues (yes we do think about such things!) we have the next chapter all written! Wow, aren't we great? Anyway, this next batch is defintly for you Lubies, I know you'll love it! I thought doing the Parody would be hilarious, and it has, but this chapter is so fluffy it made me go AWWWWWWW aswell! So my congrats to Heather, great great great chapter! I'm sure you lot will all say the same, so remember your reviews! **

**Love Kenzie and the rest of the Parallel Parody Possy x**

**The song is "I Won't Say I'm in Love" from Hercules (the disney film). Hope you like!**

I Won't Say I'm In Love

by Heather

The cameras panned the night time view as Abby and Neela walked along the side of the lake. Surprisingly, it wasn't raining, and the ground wasn't covered in a thick layer of snow…it wasn't even that cold, thought Abby. A quick look around assured her that she was in fact on the ER set, and not in bed dreaming.

The pair sat down on the bench as the director motioned the rest of the crew to quieten down…"And... action!" he shouted.

"So, It's going pretty well with Luka," said Neela, "I suppose you'll be moving in with him soon enough the way the pair of you are going."

Abby shook her head and laughed slightly "You know my reputation with men" she said slowly, before "_If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that_"

She looked to her right and sighed deeply as she saw a couple of extras walking across the set, hand in hand and obviously in love. Not that they were really in love, she reminded herself, but they were being paid to look like it.

"_No man is worth the aggravation_" She continued, "_That's ancient history--been there, done that!"_

Abby paused at this point and stared as Sam, Haleh and Chuney popped out from behind a tree at the side of the set. That's strange she thought…since when did the nurses get to leave the ER? She only stared more when the three of them burst into song,

"_Who d'ya think you're kiddin'_?"

Abby grimaced at Neela, she thought their conversation had been private, if those three knew; it would be no time at all before the whole of the ER was talking. And who were they to tell her she wasn't being totally honest, yes ok, so they had all read next weeks script and knew that Luka and Abby were 'getting together properly' but come on, at this point in the show they shouldn't let on they knew.

The three nurses continued "_He's the earth and heaven to you, Try to keep it hidden_"

'Come on Abby' piped up Neela, 'you know it's true. You were with him at least a month before you even told me'. She joined in singing with the 3 nurses,

"_Honey, we can see right through you, Girl, ya can't conceal it, We know how ya feel_", Abby glared at them. How could they possibly know how she felt? Ok, so two of them had slept with Luka, at least she was pretty sure it was only 2 of them; she really did hope that Luka and Haleh hadn't 'hooked up', it didn't bear thinking about. But that didn't mean they knew how she felt about him, or anything about their relationship. They carried on, despite her look "_And who you're thinkin' of_"

Abby decided that enough had been said about her, and she needed to butt in before their singing got out of hand. Her companions froze at the side of the set as Abby flung out her arms and burst into song again, a slightly forceful tone to her voice.

"_No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no_" she sang, directing her words at the 3 nurses.

Neela raised her eyebrows as she added some dance moves to the song "_You swoon, you sigh, Why deny it, uh-oh_"

Abby giggled at her friend's actions and considered her next move. Disco she pondered? Or a little tap? No, she thought, coming up with a much more sophisticated idea… ballroom! Grabbing Neela's arm she flung her friend out to the side, before pulling her back in and spinning her around. As the other nurses looked on in amusement, Abby continued in her denial. '_It's too cliché, I won't say I'm in love'_.

Releasing an unsuspecting Neela across the set into the arms of a slightly bemused Sam, Abby perched herself back on the bench, legs crossed and face sombre again: '_I thought my heart had learned its lesson, It feels so good when you start out'_. Standing up once more she circled the bench slowly, flaring the skirt of her long lilac dress, '_My head is screaming, get a grip girl, unless you're dying to cry your heart out'_ she sang, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes briefly, before she wiped them away embarrassed, and continued twirling. 'Jeez' she thought, 'This dress sure is fun!'

As she finished singing, she noticed Ray wander onto the set, looking dazzling in a smart black tux. About to continue, she spotted the strangest scene out of the corner of her eye. 'What on earth is Ray doing' she thought, as she spun around and stared at him and the trail of penguins he was leading. The look of amusement on the faces of all the nurses caused Ray to collapse on the bench laughing.

Gaining his composure, he grabbed Neela's hands and started waltzing her around beside the lake joining in with the song '_You keep on denyin', who you are and how you're feelin'_, the cameras panned out to reveal that Sam, Chuney and Haleh were all casually spinning a penguin around. Abby's eyes scanned the scene in bewilderment, and this time she had to pinch her arm to convince herself that she wasn't dreaming…again, she realised she wasn't. This time, she was almost disappointed.

As the note dragged on, the 3 nurses sat their penguins down on the bench between them and tried to remember the next line. A glance at the directors mad hand gestures reminded them and they burst back into song, swaying gently as the penguins clapped along: '_Baby, we're not buyin', Hon, we saw ya hit the ceilin', Face it like a grown-up, When ya gonna own up_,_ That you got, got, got it bad'_

'Whoa' yelled Neela as she came to a sudden stop, draped elegantly over Ray's arm

Tired of everyone stealing her limelight, including the 3 penguins who had started to waddle uncontrollably around the set, Abby put her foot down. Sensing her frustration, the director dashed onto the set and led the penguins off into the wings; after all, he had no intention of making this shoot any longer than necessary.

As filming started again, Abby leaned against the back of the bench and aimed her words at her four friends. '_No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no_' She shook her head but stopped in her tracks and smiled gently as Luka walked casually onto the stage, looking dashing as usual.

Chuny giggled at her reaction '_Give up, give in, Check the grin…you're in love_'.

While Neela grabbed Abby, Ray caught Luka, and the pair were pushed together, Abby averting her gaze to avoid looking him in the eye. Embarrassed, her voice became quieter as they fox trotted around the set like they had in rehearsals, while Abby continued singing '_This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love'_

'_You're doin' flips, Read our lips: you're in love'_ sang the nurses, as Neela chuckled at the thought of Abby doing flips.

Still twirling, but obviously mortified that she was saying this in front of Luka, Abby pushed him away and sat back down on the rapidly vacated bench '_You're way off base, I won't say it, Get off my case, I won't say it'_

'_Girl, don't be proud, It's O.K. you're in love'_ piped up the rest of the cast, as they glided off the set to watch the final action from the wings.

Luka walked across the set and sat down next to Abby, taking her hand in his own and wrapping his free arm around her back, pulling her closer. Abby leaned back with a sudden revelation; at least, she succeeded in making it look like it was sudden, '_Ohhhh, At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love.'_

With her last note, Abby leaned in and kissed Luka…she would tell him soon she promised herself.

**A/N Well? Loved it? We know you did, but please tell us! We're suckers for reviews, and as this is Heather's first chapter, it would be extra nice! Please, the numbers have been dropping a bit, we need to know you still want us to post this crazyness!**


	8. Luka 2

**A/N:: **Hi everyone! Here is Luka's second chapter, more of the madness! The song used is by Busted – What I Go To School For, and Alice, (our closet lyricist,) has edited the lines hysterically! -Claps- This is quite short, sorry, but I didn't want a long chapter when everyone else's are shorter!

Have fun guys, and keep happy!

**xEllax**

Chapter 7 - Luka

What I Go To Work For

Written by Ella

The scene began as Luka entered the ER tapping his feet on the freshly polished floor. This sound, broken up by the occasional squeak of his shoes on the varnish as he span round in time to the music streaming into his ears by way of his headphones, caused a few heads to turn and earned Luka some odd looks from Frank, Jerry and Neela who were standing at the admit area. He wrenched the gloves from his hands and tugged at the piece in his ear. Suddenly the music he had been listening to only moments before boomed across the set. It's amazing isn't it? The strength of speakers nowadays, I mean.

As the first note sounded, several cubicle curtains swished open and from each sprung a member of staff clasping a musical instrument. Pratt dragged a drum set out from beneath the gurney of a particularly ill looking and bad tempered patient. His entrance was greeted with a fairly loud applause, especially since he also ripped his lab coat open to show his rather tight-fitting shirt. To his right, Morris pulled a triangle out from his inner pocket with what he considered to be a 'manly' flourish. There was silence after this, not surprisingly. To _his_ right, Ray got the loudest cheer. He lifted the flap of his coat to expose his… guitar. Lead guitar. Well he is in a band, remember!

The camera panned the odd 'band' before zooming in on Luka, who opened his mouth wide and sang,

"_Her voice is echoed in my mind, I count the hours till she is mine."_

Weaver happened to be passing by at this point and shook her head in exasperation, rolling her eyes, "Why, oh why must you all sing? Save those _lovely_ singing voices for your personal lives and for once, get some damn work done, that's what you're paid for, not this musical rubbish."

Morris stuck his tongue out at her turned back, but because he was Morris, his timing was slightly off and Weaver turned back. She gave him a look... THE look and he hung his head in shame. Passing the triangle to Frank, he walked to the lounge, dragging his feet, where he would sit until Weaver gave him permission to move.

_"Can't tell my friends cos they will laugh, I love a member of the staff,"_ Luka carried on, undeterred.

"Dude we've all known that you've loved her for ages, we're not completely dumb, especially since you two make it so damn obvious. You're going out for god's sake!" Ray commented, smirking.

Luka ignored him, his favourite line was coming up... _"She's gonna think I'm such a mutt, I can't stop staring at her butt,"_ He snorted with laughter, which made the next lines seem a little bit... bizarre... _"I drop a scalpel on the floor, she bends down and shows me more!"_

Abby appeared suddenly. Well no, she came from the left of the camera but TV is always so magical that she may as well have appeared in a puff of green smoke. As it was, she walked past and Luka took the opportunity to knock a medical tray off the stand. Abby bent down to pick up the scalpel that was rolling away across the floor. She stood up and was met with a huge grin from Luka and laughter from the rest off the staff.

"What?!" She cried in confusion, "What did I do?!"

"Nothing honey," Luka smiled, planting a small kiss on her forehead before signaling to his band to launch into the chorus with as much vigour as humanly possible, (this involved everyone jumping up and coming down on the first beat, everyone besides Pratt that is... its quite hard to jump when playing the drums, but he did contribute by smashing over a cymbal.) _"That's what I go to work for, traumas coming through those double doors, you could call me crazy, you all know she craves me! That's what I go to work for, traumas coming through those double doors, girlfriends I've had plenty, none like Nurse Wyczenski!"_

Abby's head span round suddenly. She had been listening to the rest of it but had to turn her face away, she was blushing too much, and had then tried to pretend she hadn't heard, but had failed miserably when she heard her name. "Luka, you know that I'm a doctor now and I'm not called Wyczenski any more."

"I know, I know, but 'Doctor Lockhart' wouldn't have fitted, would it?" Luka pointed out and then smiled and added, "and just so you know, I'm hoping to get you to change your second name anyway..."

Before Abby could respond, he had started singing again, "_That's what I go to work for!"_

"Second verse!" Screamed the director from off-screen. His presence had not been felt until this point, but nobody had noticed.

"_So she may be thirty-three, but that doesn't bother me."_

"Hey! Abby's 37, not 33!" Neela interjected.

Abby pressed her hand over her friend's mouth and hissed, "Sssh Neela! I could have got away with that if you hadn't said anything!"

Luka laughed softly and then carried on, only to be interrupted a few moments later, _"Her boyfriend's working at the mo, to earn that extra bit of doe."_

Weaver limped across the shot just so that she could make one of her snide comments, "You and I both know that that is a complete lie, I see absolutely no working going on here and I warn you that if I don't see some serious life-saving, I will be docking your wages!"

_"I get a key, it's for her home, to make sure she's not alone,"_ Luka frowned slightly, "Actually we spend the most time at my appartment 'cause hers is such a mess... have you seen season 13 episode 4?!"

"Hey!" Abby protested half-heartedly, she knew he was right, "Anyway, season 13 hasn't even aired yet," she said, pouting in protest.

Luka's second favourite line was coming up so he motioned for her to be quiet before singing once more, _"I see her in her underwear, I can't help but stop and stare!"_ He winked at Abby and she blushed again. Damn, the colour had _only_ just left her cheeks!

_"Everyone that you treat all day knows you're looking at me in a different way, I guess that's why my stats are getting so high. I can see those tell tale signs telling me that I was on your mind, I could see that you want it more when you told me that I'm what you go to work for. I'm what you go to work for!"_

Abby smiled shyly and after a short guitar solo, and a drum roll, the chorus began, preparing for the ending.

_"That's what I go to work for, traumas coming through those double doors. You could call me crazy,  
you all know she craves me. That's what I go to work for, traumas coming through those double doors. Girlfriends I've had plenty, none like Nurse Wyczenski. That's what I go to work for,  
That's what I go to work for!"_

The ER doors smashed open, and everyone turned to watch as two extras rushed in, wheeling a gurney alongside them. Sprawled across the crimson soaked sheets was a trauma covered in the same red liquid. As the director commanded across the speaker system, he sat up, pointed at Abby with his 'blood' stained hand and sang at the top of his voice,

"SHE'S WHAT YOU GO TO WORK FORRRRRRRRR!"

"And that's a rap!" Called the director. That hadn't gone half as badly as he had expected.


	9. Interlude Morris

**A/N hey guys, I'm not sure about this chapter, it's sweet and if you're a reela, you'll enjoy it! But I'm just not sure it's up to the usual parody-hilariousness! Oh well, it should be ok, but PLEASE review and let me know!**

**Love ya's**

**Kenzie x**

Kiss the Girl

by Kenzie (including any re-written lyrics)

It was the annual ER Christmas outing. Well, this was the first year they'd had such an outing, but after this it was sure to become yearly. They had decided to go ice-skating, then off to Ike's for a night of god-knows-what. Morris skated silently round the outside of the rink, watching the rest of his colleagues. It was a shame the camera wasn't on him, he was skating really well, with skilled and fluid movements. But no-one noticed. Everyone was more bothered about what would happen between the Roomies in this romantic setting. He'd heard the rumours that tonight was the night, but those rumours had been round before. This time, though, he was involved. Neela had slipped him a few twenties earlier to make sure that things went right.

He still wasn't sure what he would do though, the only ideas he had had involved physically dragging them together. But he was pretty sure that would not go down very well. He still needed some last minute inspiration. This came in the form of a large lobster suit.

"Hey Morris," the director yelled, "Last minute costume change!"

Ten minutes later and he was skating round dressed like a lobster, much to the amusement of... well, of everyone really. But it had given him inspiration, and that was all that mattered, soon he would be known as "the one who pushed the Roomies together". He saw Ray leaning against the side, glancing every now and then at Neela who was sitting on a bench talking to Abby. This was his chance. He skated over to Ray, and leaned next to him.

"Hey Barnett."

"Hey Morris." Ray glanced away from his Roomie to the doctor next him. "Morris... what the hell are you wearing?"

"This old thing?" Archie Morris said, "That's not the point. The point is, you are in love with Neela, and I am going to do something about it."

"Wh-what? I'm not in love with anyone!" Ray said, though considering he went as red as Morris' lobster suit, he really wasn't fooling anyone.

"_There you see her, sitting there across the way," _Morris began to sing, _"She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her."_

"She's actually talking a lot. I mean... um... who?"

"_And you don't know why but you're dying to try, you wanna kiss the girl."_

"Neela? No, I don't want to kiss her! What are you even talking about!" But Ray couldn't disguise the look in his eyes as he looked at his Roomie. Morris smiled as he saw how well his plan was working. He grabbed Ray's sleeve and dragged him out onto the rink.

"_Yes you want her, look at her you know you do, possible she wants you too, there is one way to ask her!"_

"I can't ask her, in front of everyone? Are you crazy?"

Morris shook his head, leading Ray in some fancy loops, _"It don't take a word, not a single word, go on and kiss the girl!" _He made a signal to the rest of the cast, and though it was a prearranged signal they had got pretty good at improv' recently, and they all joined in, harmonising perfectly;

"_Sha la la la la la."_

"_My oh my, look like the boy too shy, ain't gonna kiss the girl," _Morris took the chorus himself, belting out the words with pride.

"_Sha la la la la la."_

"_Ain't that sad? Ain't it a shame? Too bad, he's gonna miss the girl!"_

Neela, pretending to be completely unaware of the show going on around her skated out onto the rink, skating right by Ray. He couldn't help watching her. Morris gave him a light shove and he skated up to her, looking embarrassed.

"_Now's your moment, skating on a cold lagoon," _Morris sang quietly, half so as not to disturb the moment, half because he didn't want people to hear his hasty re-write. _"Boy you better do it soon, no time will be better!"_

Ray looked down at Neela and smiled. "Um..."

Morris rolled his eyes and sang louder, _"She don't say a word, and she won't say a word until you kiss the girl! _Everybody now!"

"_Sha la la la la la, don't be scared, we got the mood prepared, go on and kiss the girl! Sha la la la la la Don't stop now, don't try to hide it how you wanna kiss the girl! Sha la la la la la skate along and listen to the song, the song say kiss the girl!" _

The whole cast was skating round in circles, round and round Neela and Ray. A spotlight was on them, the time couldn't be better, all he needed was to lean down and... Morris could strangle him, the guy was still just standing there. What more did he need?

"What the hell," Morris said to himself, "One last chorus! _Sha la la la la la the music play, do what the music say, you got to kiss the girl!"_

"_You've got to kiss the girl!" _Abby sang.

"_You wanna kiss the girl," _Luka sang.

"_Go on and... **kiss the girl**!" _Morris sang, his voice building with the music to a crescendo. He had done all he could, he collapsed to the ice just as Ray leaned towards Neela.

"Well, I really should give them what they want," he said with a smile before closing the gap between them.

The crowd started to cheer and the set was suddenly plunged into darkness. "We're saving energy for the next take," the director explained.

"Another take?" Morris asked, looking exhausted and even more red than usual. Those suits really did boil you.

"Another take!" Ray said eagerly, laughing at Morris. "Hey, thanks man."

"Any... time," Morris said, breathing heavily.


	10. Interlude Carter and Gates

**A/N Well, our lovely readers. You will notice that ER has started, and the parody has not finished. Basically, we have 20 chapters planned, so... yeh!!! That's how many you're getting! lol.**

**This next chapter i have decided (having just re-read it) is my favourite that I have written. I'm very proud of it!!!**

**I hope you like it as much as I do!!!**

**-Moonlight Enchantments**

**p.s there is going to be a very important note that you will all really want to read at the bottom of this chapter!!!!**

Luka is a Moron

By Kenzie (song re-written by Alice)

The night was dark, barely a star could be seen through the fog. Yes that's right, the fog. No, it was not smog, this was evil, creepy fog. The stuff they always put in horror films. You remember? Good. So, the streets were covered in fog, and barely anyone was around. It was like the whole of Chicago had disappeared. Even Chicago County ER, renowned for its skill at being one of the busiest hospitals in all kinds of remarkable weather, had only two patients. And one of them was Morris who had walked into a street lamp outside. Ray and Luka, the doctors most of the female staff were interested in were leaning against the desk, pretending to look through some charts.

The automatic doors slid open, with a loud "dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn", not a usual phenomenon, even in this new phase of musical episodes. Mist spread into the ER in spooky tendrils, and both men tried not to cough at the smell of dry ice.

"What the..." Ray began, but because of censorship and a mysterious figure interrupting him, he could not finish.

The mysterious figure stepped through the doors and out of the mist. Then from behind him stepped another, equally mysterious looking figure.

The first thing one would notice about these two figures was the hats. Both were wearing top hats. And capes, now you come to mention it. And... were those moustaches?

"Carter?" Luka said, "Is... that you?"

"It is I! Your arch nemesis!" Carter said, with a swish of his cape.

"Aye, and I, Gates, Barnett's arch foe!"

Luka and Ray glanced at each other in bewilderment. To their knowledge they didn't have any arch enemies, in fact Luka had been pretty sure he and Carter were friends. They also did not understand why both Carter and Gates were talking with such... bad British accents. They looked back at Carter who was now twisting his moustache in what he hoped was a menacing way. Given he had never had a bad-guy-style moustache, he did a pretty good job.

"We are here to kidnap our fair maidens," he said, with another cape flourish. At that moment Abby and Neela were swirled onto the set, both wearing 20's style dresses, complete with headbands and dark red lipstick.

"This looks like something out of a silent movie!" Ray whispered, because the director wanted to get that point across to the audience.

"Um... help?" Abby said, looking just as bewildered as everyone else.

"I'll... save you!" Luka said, trying to sound like some sort of superhero.

"Never!" Carter yelled, with yet _another_ cape flourish a microphone was slid across the ER floor till it came to stop exactly in front of him. It was a very nifty trick, but only Gates applauded it. He was the second baddy, it was pretty clear, the slightly idiotic one, and he had decided a while ago he would just follow Carter's lead.

"_I've been going out with a girl, he-e-r name is Aaa-by" _Carter began to sing. He slipped his notes out of his pocket to check the next line. _"but last night she said to me, when we were watching te-elly"_

"Carter, why are you putting on that odd Cockney-style accent? It's even worse than your posh-British one!" Luka asked.

Carter just glared and continued his song, _"This is what she said, She said, 'Listen John I like you, but there's this bloke I fancy"_

"I never say bloke!" Abby said, looking outraged.

"_'I don't want to two time you, so it's the end for you and me'" _Carter sang into the microphone, looking deeply into the camera for a moment. _"'Who's this bloke?' I asked her, 'Lu-u-u-ka' she replied, 'Not that floppy haired loser?' I said dismayed, 'Yeah but he's so hot' she cried!"_

"Hey!" Luka said, "I resent that, I'm not a floppy haired loser!"

"_He's more of a man than you'll ever be!"_ Abby said, inadvertently singing the right words.

But the music was still playing and Carter was determined to sing. He'd heard the love songs that had been going on the past weeks, this time it was his turn and no-one would ruin his moment in the spotlight. Just on cue, a spotlight came on, highlighting his features.

"_Here we go, 2 3 4! I was so upset I cried all the way to Ike's bar, When I came out there was Luka standing at the corn-ar."_

"Well done with that lyric change, it really fitted. Well... sort of!" Gates said with a goofy grin. Ray raised his eyebrows at Neela as if to say 'him, really?'

"_And guess who was with him, Yeah Abby, and they were both laughing at me!"_

"That never happened!" Abby looked shocked that Carter would imply such a thing. Though she shouldn't have been so surprised, he was wearing a top hat and had a moustache.

"_Oh she's cruel and heartless, to have packed me for Luka, Just 'cos he's tall and handsome, just 'cos he's dark and foreign! But I know he's a moron, yes Luka is a moron!"_

"_Luka is a moron,"_ Gates sang, chipping in.

"_Luka is a moron! Here we go 2 3 4!"_

Now this next re-write really does deserve a lot of praise. Considering it was mainly made up of swear words, the writers really had to go to work perfecting it. Some said they could just cut it, but some were persistent. And Carter was proud to be able to sing this next bit of word craftsmanship.

"_Oh she's just mean, and he's a pain, I want her back but all in vain, She's a looker, he's just... EW! If I don't get her the writers get sued!"_

"_Yeah yeah, it's not fair, Yeah yeah it's not fair," _Gates harmonised, well, he tried to. Bless him.

"_I'm so upset, I'm so upset... I'm so upset, Yeah yeah. I ought to smash his face in, yeah but he's bigger than me innit."_

"Don't ever say innit, Carter, seriously!" Luka said, obviously not that worried about Carter's threat. They both knew who would win.

"_I know, I'll get my mate Jerry to hit him, he'd flatten him, Yeah but Jerry's a mate of Luka's isn't he?"_

"Are you finished now?" Abby asked, looking annoyed and fed up.

Really, Carter had finished the song, but he wanted to antagonise her. "_Luka is a moron, Luka is a moron, Luka is a morrrrrrrronnnnnnnnnnn!"_

"And that's a rap!" the director said, walking off feeling pleased. What he didn't see was Luka stepping forward towards Carter.

"Luka," Abby warned, "Just leave it."

"Carter, I'll give you a five second head start. One... Two..."

Carter was running before Luka had got to three.

Ray looked at Gates, "I'm not even going to give you a head start, so start running!"

Abby and Neela looked at each other as their respective love interests and ex's ran outside into what had been a misty street. Now that the dry ice machine had been packed away however, it was quite a nice day.

"Men!" Abby said, sighing.

**A/N This is the very important note...**

**The PPP (the parallel parody possy aka the corrupted banana llamas) have launched a website. Hell yeah! **

**It has pages about us (in case you're interested) A reela page (made by me and alice -I wrote the long reela history, Alice did the rest of the funkyness including the background) A Luby page (made by ella and heather, i'm not sure who did what) And lots of other goodness... including... A SONG PAGE! yes, that's right, all the songs that have featured in our chapters can be listened to on our website. Along with the lyrics we used, and the original lyrics. So you can even sing along, and notice how wonderfully well re-written the songs are! **

**I really hope you all go and visit it, because we'd love you too, and we're sure it'd be fun for you!!! It's listed as our homepage, please go and look!!!**

**Love Kenzie and the rest of the PPP**


	11. Abby and Carter

**A/N Hello to all you lovely parody readers...I dont really know what to write here and Kenzie isn't being a lot of help!!! The song in this chapter is 'He don't love you' by Daniel Bedingfield...And it's Abby's chapter with a lovely special guest! Hope you enjoy it! And please review and let us know what you think (or Kenzie will cry on me again P).**

I Don't Love You

(By Heather)

"Quiet…Quiet please" shouted the director at the cast and crew, and then he yelled at them once more, because no one was taking any notice, "QUIET"

Everyone span around and stared at him;

"Must be one of those days" whispered Ray to Luka, raising his eyebrows at Luka's reaction.

The pair were quickly called to order by the director's glare as he started the morning's announcements, "Ok guys, we're half way through this seasons filming, and the writers have decided it's time to bring back one of our favourite people for a guest appearance…"

He had to stop again as everyone started discussing who would be coming back. "Susan?" guessed Neela hopefully, "I mean everyone loves her…and they didn't kill her off!"

Luka shook his head, "Death won't stop them, they bought _me_ back remember."

Ray scoffed at Luka's comment, "you weren't _really_ dead you idiot."

The gang were stopped in their tracks once again, this time by the producers threatening to sack them all if they didn't 'put a sock in it', and the director revealed their returning cast member. As Carter walked out from behind the set towards the director, everyone cringed…this looked to be a pretty tense episode.

_Twenty minutes later: _

Most of the cast were on the other side of the set filming a different scene when Carter first approached Abby in the staff room. "Abby, long time no see" he commented casually, ignoring her stare or perhaps not noticing it, "fancy grabbing a drink tonight, so we can catch up?"

Still stony faced, she considered his proposition, weighing up both sides of the argument her brain was having with itself: to snub his advances because she hated him…or to go out for drinks and spent the whole evening insulting him? As desirable as the latter option sounded, she reasoned that she would far rather spend the evening curled up on the sofa with Luka, and had plenty of time at work to make his life a misery.

"I'd rather not" she replied dryly, "we broke up, you left, I got on with my life…what's there to catch up on?"

"Come on Abby" pleaded Carter, "give me a try. I've changed, I regret what I did…and the way I left you…but now I'm back, can't we at least _talk_ about us?"

Astounded and angered by his words, Abby swung round and glared at him. "I'm with Luka" she snapped icily, "and I wouldn't change that for the world."

"_I never loved you like I love him"_ she sang heatedly _"Never thought about you like I think about him, I didn't want to have your children, I didn't wanna build my life around you"_

Taken aback by her hostile attitude, but determined not to give up, he continued trying to woo her with his pleas, _"Tell me I should not be feeling what I am today, tell me to silence my heart."_

"Fine" snapped Abby under her breath, "Why don't you?"

Oblivious to her comment, Carter continued singing, _"Tell me we've been here before, and I will walk away from you now"_

Abby decided to ignore his singing; after all, she had decided long ago that he wasn't worth it. _"Coz there's was wall between you and I, And you hadn't been treating me right, I'd been watching it all, you'd seen me cry, And I just gotta tell you tonight"_. As she finished the verse, she noticed that the lights had dimmed (presumably to fit with the lyrics) and the music had become slower and more romantic. She looked at the director appalled; this wasn't the atmosphere she had been hoping for in the scene, a scene with the man she despised.

Turning to face Carter again, thoughts of her and Luka flooded her mind, _"I don't love you like I love him, don't think about you like I think about him, I don't want to have your children"_ at this point she stopped in her tracks, thoughts of Luka and _their_ little baby - who was growing inside her as she sang- flashing through her mind. She smiled quietly to herself before Carter caught her eye again and she remembered that she needed to finish her line, _"I don't wanna build my life around you."_

Carter grimaced at her words, still not willing to give up his dream woman, especially not to Luka. _"Tell me this love's just a feeling and will pass away, tell me your heart is a liar,"_ he sang, reaching over to hold Abby's hand. She snatched it away quickly, moving to the other side of the room and sitting on the conveniently placed chair at the edge of the set. Still ignoring her rebuke and beginning to annoy the crew, who could see that Abby was not going to give in on this matter, he continued pleadingly _"Tell me you're not what I know you are, all that a man could desire__, and he doesn't know, darlin, what he's got, but I will treasure you"_

"Cut" yelled the director, unhappy with the way the scene was going. He hadn't bargained on this when Carter had asked to be allowed back for an episode…he had envisioned forgiveness and a happy cast for once…but no, it seemed that was not to be. Carter ignored the director's orders, still staring longingly at Abby, _"You give me a chance I will make you smile, I will give you a love that is true__"_

As Abby glanced up determined to avoid Carter's gaze, she saw Luka standing at the edge of the set, looking on questioningly. More determined than before to convince Carter to leave her alone, she repeated herself: _"But I don't love you like I love him, don't think about you like I think about him, I don't want to have your children, I don't wanna build my life around you"_. She stood up and walked to the door of the staff room, opening it and walking out…straight into Luka.

Carter followed her out of the room into the corridor, narrowly missing a fast moving gurney pushed erratically by Morris, before being caught by a group of extras who had been rushed on by the director. He raised his voice so that Abby, now standing by reception with Luka and Ray, could hear him and sang out his final verse, realizing himself that it was his last chance (ok, who was he kidding, he had no chance…) to win back the girl. _"So why can you not see, the place in my heart that was made for you, why must you hide yourself away?"_ he struggled, with no result, to free himself from the hands of the extras restraining him, _"And why must you fight the way that I wanna hold your hand tonight, take a chance and give your heart to me."_

The director directed everyone towards the front of the ER, most of the cast were on the set by now, forcing Carter through the double doors into the cold ambulance bay as Abby and the cast rebuked him one last time (and the director noted the fact that bringing back cast members wasn't the _best_ idea!). _"But she don't love you like she loves him, don't think about you like she thinks about him, she don't want to have your children, she don't wanna build her life around you."_

As Carter walked off into the sunset….wait, the sun had already set….well, as Carter walked off into the night then; Luka took Abby in his arms and whispered in her ear, "Do you really want to have my children?" Abby laughed at his comment, resting one hand on her stomach and wrapping her other arm around him, before they headed home to spend the night curled up on the sofa together.


	12. Interlude Morris and the Phobias

**A/N Just so you all know the phobias mentioned in this chapter do all exist. **

**Antidaeophobia – the fear that somewhere, somehow a duck is watching you – this is a fictional fear from a cartoon by Gary Larson**

**Phobophobia – fear of having a phobia **

**Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words – found this amusing as the word for a fear of long words looks pretty long to me. lol**

**Song re -written by _Alice_ i.e me, and is to the tune of "favorite things" from "The Sound Of Music" so you can all sing along :-)**

It was a busy day in County General Hospital, or the set made to look like County General Hospital. Well, either way, it was busy. People hurrying left to right, then the same people running right to left sporting different clothes. The extras for this particular episode where all out for lunch and the director wanted to push on with the scene and silently prayed that no one would notice.

Archibold Morris , the lovable ginger doctor, was wondering around the set searching for at least one more doctor to help him with this pile of charts he had in his hands. He was actually searching for one doctor in particular namely, Ray Barnett, because he owed him one. It's not every day that Ray gets to hear the vocal talent of Morris and especially when receiving a slight push in the direction of his Love Life.

After being the main reason that Ray actually plucked up the courage and actually leaned in and kissed Neela, Morris was pretty smug. And after all he had his voice to thank for that, his rendition of "Kiss The Girl" had done the job brilliantly and after that the ratings had sky rocketed. Of course now the director could not wait for Morris to have at least one note per episode and today was no different, he had the joy of a whole song just to himself.

He finally located Barnett and thrust the charts into his hands.

"Only a couple of people left to treat and then discharge, don't worry Barnett it's a piece of cake. _Man comes in with, Anti-dae-o-phobi-a. Tell him, "there is no duck watch-ing u sir-er" _

Was what Morris began to sing as he pointed to the chart titled "Man who is afraid of duck"

"You can discharge him by the way because I told him the truth, that,_It's from this thing he saw, oh what a freak. That's what my day's been like all this week."_

Ray just stood looking stunned, this wasn't the first time Morris had sung to him but this was definitely too re-written not to be scripted and Ray could not re-call any song written in the script.

"Morris, did you re-write this yourself, in your spare time?"

"I might have" said Morris, looking down, trying to hide his blush.

"And you called _that_ guy a freak," Ray added sarcastically under his breath.

"Anyway Barnett," Morris said, pointing to another chart. "_Phobophobia, Fear of a phobia. Not quite the same as claustrophobia."_

"Morris, I know it's not the same as claustrophobia, I am a doctor as well."

Ray walked over to the woman who sat in cubical 3 and as the music started to play once again Ray realized, to his horror, he was meant to sing the line of reassurance to this poor woman.

"Morris give me a look at those words would you?_ Don't worry madam, you're not quite alone. There's lots of people who have just the same."_

"Hey Barnett, this was meant to be my song! Just my song! You get solos all the time I've only had one song to myself before and I was dressed as a lobster."

"Which may I say Morris, looked dashing on you." Ray snorted at the memory of Morris skating in a lobster suit. 

"I was just saying Barnett, stop stealing my song!" Morris said angrily, pointing to another chart in Ray's hand.

"_I had to speak in one syl-ab-ell worr-ds. I was so bored it was complet-ly ab-surd. Fear of long words is what this guy had Sesquipedalophobia is not just a fad"_

"Morris I wish you would just let me do my job, I know all about these phobias, you keep forgetting that I am also a doctor. And probably one with a better bedside manner than you."

"Alright, Barnett, but just you remember _When the dog bites. When the bee stings. When the drugs kick in. I can simply remember I'm not one of them. _And I can go home once again! Unlike you who has double shift to do. That'll teach you to talk about Archie Morris' bedside manner!"

"Oh Morris, did I mention what a lovely singing voice you have? Because it's very good, they should give you more solos."

"Compliments will get you everywhere Barnett, keep talking."

"And how can I thanks you enough for getting my beautiful girlfriend and I together, who I am meant to be taking out tonight and would be very upset if I stood her up." Ray batted his eye lashes and made puppy dog eyes at Morris.

"Fine I'll take your damn shift, but you owe me two favors Barnett. TWO!!!"

"Thanks dude! You're a pal."

"I'm too nice," Morris thought as he went back to face what seemed every person in Chicago who had a weird phobia.

"You are Archie Morris, the most amazing doctor to ever walk the planet!" Morris sighed.

"You keep telling yourself that dude!" There were fits of laughter echoing through the cast and then the director yelled cut, sounding angry because every actor had lost focus and it meant that the shoot had been set back half a day.

"At least I get another solo" Morris thought.

**A.N Sorry rhyming in that song was bloody awful!!**


	13. Ray 3

**Far more fluffy than funny, it's hard 'cause it's kinda a serious song but there are some funny esq bits in it. **

Chapter 13

Song - When Your gone - Bryan Adams

(No lyric changes ain't that a surprise especially in one of my chapters!!!!) 

By Alice

Ray wondered round his apartment with the TV on. He was waiting for Neela to pick up her god damn phone, she had gone away for a week, surgical conference or something and Ray missed having his roomie there. Well he missed having his girlfriend there. Wow it felt good to say that word.

"Pick. Up. Your. Phone. Woman!" Ray said angrily at the phone.

"Don't call me woman!"

"Oh god sorry, i didn't realised you where there."

"Well thats a nice greeting, isn't it?"

"I miss you? Any better?"

"A little" Ray could hear the smile on her lips, he loved making her smile.

And just like magic, music was heard and Ray began to sing down the phone

"_I've been wandering around the house all night, wondering what the hell to do"_

"Ray? Why are you singing?"

"Neela haven't you noticed a trend recently, I should be asking you why you aren't singing."

"alright, alright, so what have you been doing while I've been working?"

_"Yeah, I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you."_

"Aww your sweet Ray."

"Please, let me at least finish a whole line before you interrupt me again." If Ray could see her she would have had a fake hurt look right now, but as he couldn't the look was wasted on a hotel wall.

_"well the phone don't ring 'cause my friends ain't home, I'm tired of being all alone" _

"Come on Ray don't be so over dramatic, I've been gone two days and you already pining - "

She was interrupted by Ray's indignant _"got the TV on 'cause the radio's playing songs that remind me of you."_

"Are you listening to that mixed CD that we made?"

"I might be, but Neela the TV is showing celebrity poker. Technology is against me Neela, it's truly evil."

"Ray? Change the channel and put on a different CD on."

"_But Baby when you're gone, I realize I'm in love, days go on and on, and the nights just seem so long. _Neela, I miss you, come home."

"Ray, you know I can't, I have to do this conference, but it's over soon and then I can come home and we can have an evening in... and I could wear... I don't know? Spangled boots?" An air of flirtation drifting through the phone.

"Neela, Neela, Neela, I thought you said you were a classy girl?"

"Ahh, but you forget Barnett, you are a very bad influence on me." She laughs.

"_Even food don't taste that good, drink ain't doing what it should. Things just feel so wrong, baby when you're gone. _The house feels so empty and the technology might revolt against me, while your not here to protect me. Come home..."

"Ray, you'll be fine, the technology will not hurt you, your a big boy now. But I've got to go, I'm up early in the morning. Night night. Love you.

"Don't be so patronising, you! But I'll see you soon, Love you to."

And then the phone was put back on the hook and Ray let out a huge sigh. Time to go out on the town.

He hopped into his van and drove around the streets of Chicago looking for a place to drown his sorrows.

_"I keep driving up and down these streets, trying to find somewhere to go."_ He reached the studios and went straight to the third floor where Ike's was located.

_"Yeah i'm looking for a familiar face, but there's no one I know."_ He was right there was no

one he knew in Ike's tonight, not even the usual extra who plays the bar tender.

_"oh, this is torture, this is pain, it feels like I'm gonna go insane"_ And he got out his cell and text, _" I hope you're coming back real soon, 'cause i don't know what to do. " _

"Send to: Neela. Message Sent"

Ray sat with his head down over his beer while singing softly to himself,  
_"Baby when you're gone, I realize I'm in love, days go on and on, and the nights just seem so long. Even food don't taste that good, drink ain't doing what it should, things just feel so wrong, baby when you're gone." _

people just ignored his mutterings passing him off as just another drunk actor with no other place to go.

"Mate you better be going, the director is packing up his chair." Ray looked and certainly the place looked deserted.

The director looked at Ray and walked over to the hunched figure "Ray I didn't want you to actually drink the stuff, just pretend to. That's what acting is."

"Oh, well I'm going to go now, off to my empty apartment, with the technology that hates me and a phone that doesn't ring."

"Oh actually Ray , I was going to send you on location."

"Where to?"

"Where Neela is at the moment, you know the conference, can't quite remember where it is though, talk to our location finder."

"No no it's ok I'll get there."

Neela here he comes!


	14. Neela 3

**A/N I'm so so so sorry! I apologise on behalf of all us Llamas. This chapter has taken way too long, in fact this whole parody has taken way too long. We had meant to get it finished before ER started. But, it's nearing the season finale and we're only just nearing (ish) the Parody finale. (which is going to rock by the way!)**

**Anyway, all we can claim is exams, illness and simple lack of time. We do apologise profusly, and are working on our new and great chapters!!!**

**This song was re-written months ago, and I (the author of the chapter, not the song) do not feel that my chapter does the lyrics justice. But it'll have to do.**

**Enjoy!!!**

**Love, Kenzie x x x**

He's A Punk

by Kenzie

(lyrics re-written by Alice)

Neela strolled down the corridor of the hotel to the elevator. Wait, the lift. She was still British, she could use British words, right? All was good, nothing could actually be better. She had the smokin' hot Doctor Ray Barnett waiting for her at home, totally and utterly in love with her. The only tiny drawback was this stupid conference, and the fact she had had to leave pretty much straight after their first on-screen-kiss to get on location in time.

She got in the lift in a slightly less jubilant mood, she wished she could just see him. She'd tried to persuade him to come with her, but the director hadn't let him. Stupid director. He wanted to build up tension. Like there hadn't already been a season and a half worth of tension? When the lift doors opened she gasped like a someone out of a romantic-comedy. Ray was there; sat at the bar chatting away to the bar maid.

"_What a dog," _she half whispered half sang. He was sitting there, all punk-ed up, like he was about to do a show, at the hotel where she was at a surgery conference. And he hadn't even tried to phone her or anything! "_What a dog!"_

Suddenly he looked up and saw her, and his face lit up. "Neela! God I've been waiting ages for you!" He walked over, with his small smile. When he got close she saw he was wearing eye-liner. Oh very droolsome he looked.

She turned away with a smile and began to walk off, knowing he was following her, _"He's a punk, but I love him, breaks a new heart everyday"_

"Hey, you're playing tonight right? Wow, can I have your autograph, and maybe your number too?" a tall brunette woman asked Ray. Neela raised her eyebrows and carried on walking.

"Sorry, I'm taken, the autograph I can do though."

"_He's a punk, fan's adore him, and I only hope he'll stay that way."_

Her walk took her past the restaurant and to the "Grand Hall". There was a small stage being set up there, she presumed for Ray's impromptu performance. She turned round to face him, and walking backwards, grinning as she sang _"He's a punk, he's a player,"_

"Hey! I'm not a player! Well, not any more." he said, outraged

"_He's a doctor, he's a hunk," _she wiggled her eyebrows at that, _"He's a punk, but I love him, yes even I have got it really bad."_

"You love me do you?"

"Shut up, you knew that!"

"Oh, finally, she talks!" He laughed and took her hand in his, pulling her closer to him.

"_You can never tell, when he'll turn up," _

"Yeah sorry, it was a bit of a spur of the moment kind of thing."

"Shh, this is the best bit of the song; _he's always late to appointments, I guess he's just a watchless guy!"_

"_Hurry up Ray!" _chorused some swooning female extras. _"On the double!"_

Ray laughed and shook his head. "That is a classic line."

"Thanks!"

He rolled his eyes then jumped up on stage. He grabbed his guitar and began to play her accompaniment, while the ladies that had suddenly appeared went crazy, screaming and whooping.

"_He's a punk, he's a rocker, and there's nothing more to say," _Neela sang, climbing up on stage too. _"If he's a punk, he's a good one, and I know that I can travel his way!"_

Ray pulled her towards him, ignoring the guitar. Which was odd, as the music was still playing (ah the magic of t.v).

"You're such a punk," Neela said with a small smile.

"Thanks," Ray grinned, before kissing her.

**A/N Review pleaseeeee**


	15. Luka 3

First off, I just want to say **THE** biggest apology for the **EPIC** amount of time it has taken me to write this chapter. This is **ELLA** by the way; don't blame the others for this, they've been trying their best for the last **8 MONTHS,** [woahh, that _**REALLY**_ is a long time, huh?! to get me to do this! I could ramble on and on about **WHY** I haven't done it until now, but that's boooring so all that's left to say is:

To anyone reading or reviewing this, I want to **THANK YOU** from the **BOTTOM OF MY HEART** for sticking with us for all this time. If you have, I personally think **YOU DESERVE AN OSCAR…! **

I reaaaally should have updated this on **VALENTINE'S DAY** but I've just looked at the clock and where I am, it's 00:23 so I've missed the 14th by 23 minutes! Gahh! On that note, this means that it is the 15th and that means that in a few, short hours, the first PPP meet-up of 2008 will begin! This weekend is going to be insane… **ABSOLUTELY AMAZING** but **COMPLETELY INSANE** too! So as a sort of **MILESTONE** to mark the occasion, _(haha!)_ here is **CHAPTER 15… **

As you'll know if you've read any of this **MADNESS** before, I generally write **LUKA's** chapters and today is no exception! This chapter has lyrics from the song** 'LADY IN RED' by CHRIS DE BURGH** so this is my **disclaimer-thing.** _[Gawwwd, after all this time, I'd almost forgotten how to do all this! _

_Shup Ella._

**THANKS AGAIN FOR READING**, and if you could spare a few minutes to **REVIEW** this, we'd be **ETERNALLY** grateful… you have **NO IDEA** how much it means to all of us! --- We hope we can make you **LAUGH** since that has **ALWAYS** been our aim… ENJOY! 

* * *

Slumped into the protective embrace of a comfortable armchair, legs curled beneath him and a fast-emptying bottle of wine clutched in his hand, was the director. He was exhausted, grumpy and above all else, completely depressed that on his birthday, he was at home, alone and forgotten, with only one card propped up on his coffee table, courtesy of his bank. As he sat grumbling into the now empty wine bottle about how the lack of consideration on the part of others was the main source of his cynicism, he heard the harsh rasp of his doorbell.

The director leapt to his feet and hurried out into the hall. He swung open his door in the hope that a huge crowd of friends would be assembled on his doorstep, laden down with presents, and if not, more alcohol. Instead, he was greeted with the sight of an empty space. Lying at his feet was a package wrapped in brown paper. The director sighed, and, disappointed at the lack of birthday celebration, but nonetheless intrigued by the mysterious parcel, he made his way back to his seat and set about ripping open the wrapping.

A few moments later, videotape with a scrap of paper stuck to it fell out onto the table before him. The director frowned in confusion as he peeled the paper off and brought it to his face. Scrawled across it read a short message:

_While you're away, we decided to get ahead of the game a little so we have started filming without you. On this tape is a sneak preview. Enjoy. _

_Signed,_

_Luka._

Slowly and with vague apprehension, the director slid the tape into the machine and switched on the TV in front of him. Filming had begun without him and that signalled a lack of control that sent ripples of fear pulsing up and down the director's spine. Would everything fall apart without him? He hadn't even read the script, what should he expect? How would this stunt affect ratings? The questions were endless and they sent the director's mind reeling. He knew that the stress would not be good for his heart so it was just as well that as the credits rolled on the screen, familiarity washed through his body. He let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding and as the montage ended, his breathing was almost back to normal. Grabbing a can of beer from the floor, the director took one long swig of the calming nectar in the can and turned his eyes back to the screen. Besides, how bad could it be?

Projected onto the TV was a black screen and all that could be heard was the rustling of clothing and the murmur of hushed voices. This went on for some time and the director ended up perching on the very edge of his chair, practically gnawing his fingers to the bone. What was going on?

"Okay, can you see me?" came the distinctive voice of one Croatian Hot Doc.

"Umm… hang on a second, let me have a look," called Morris from somewhere to the left of the camera, "No! I can't get this damn camera to work, what the hell? It's pointing right at you, why can't I see you?"

"Have you turned it on?" came the husky voice of Doctor Ray Barnett laced with a definite scoff.

"Yes!" Morris returned indignantly, "Of course I switched it on Barnett, what do you take me for?!"

"Have you taken the lens cover off?" asked Luka coolly.

"Oh," Morris said quietly.

A mixture of hoots and howling laughter erupted into the director's front room and, head buried in his hands, and with fingers rammed into his ears, he cursed himself for having 'surround sound' installed, and for the terrible lack in judgement that had led him to employ the incompetents on his TV who were sure to lose him his job.

At any rate, with the camera lens cap removed, the set was clearly visible on the TV screen.

"Okay, go!" Shouted Morris, "Umm… shoot! Rolling!" he blabbered.

"You totally suck man," Ray sighed, "let _me_ do the filming."

"Fine!" Morris huffed, "but believe me, it's harder than it looks; you won't get it."

"You look through the little bit of glass and move the camera when you need to, what's not to get?" Ray smirked.

"Shut up." Growled Morris before someone signalled that the scene should begin and that he had to be silent.

The camera panned to the right as Ray focussed on Luka, who, clad in a tight-fitted tux that made all the female cast and crew swoon, had begun to wander down a dimly lit corridor. Occasionally he tapped his feet in time to the synthesised drum rhythm that streamed out of the speakers. Six seconds into the track, several nurses slid in front of the camera in slow motion whilst releasing a harmonised array of 'oohs' and 'aahs.'

Suddenly, the camera zoomed in on Luka's face and he gazed adoringly into the lens before opening his mouth to sing,

"_**I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight."**_

Morris and Pratt emerged just behind Luka, on either side of his head and began to click their fingers every few seconds as Luka's rich voice rang out again,

"_**I've never seen you shine so bright."**_

As he uttered the last word, a glowing light was switched on somewhere in front of Luka and he began to strut towards it, followed by Pratt and Morris, who hummed in agreement,

"Mm-mm-mm-mmm."

Ray positioned the camera steadily and motioned to an extra who scurried over and took over the filming so that Ray could prepare for his entrance. Whilst Luka sang his next lines, Neela found herself being primped and preened and then stuffed into a pale purple chiffon dress, then Ray grasped her from behind and together they waltzed before the camera. Well, they tried to, but Neela had immense trouble balancing on the strappy stilettos that has been wedged onto her feet, and after years of head-banging and hip-wiggling, Ray's dancing skills were pretty poor. The effect was highly amusing, though a little wonky.

"_**I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance, they're looking for a little romance, given half the chance."**_

As this line was sung, Luka had reached a resuss room, and through the doors, a body lay drenched in a pool of 'blood.' A handful of actors, - doctors, nurses and extras flapped around taking blood, (which seemed to be fairly unnecessary considering the waterfall of it streaming all over the floor,) and pushing various meds.

In the midst of all of this madness stood Abby. Her hair rested in curls upon her shoulders and her face was perfectly made up, with a rosy shade brushed onto her cheeks, crimson lipstick on her pouty lips and eyes subtly framed with silver eye shadow and mascara. She wore an elegant, white dress and as if her attire wasn't inappropriate enough for a job in the ER, on her feet were red, high-heeled sandals. If it hadn't been for the name badge pinned to her dress, she wouldn't have looked more out of place in a farmyard.

Luka pressed his palm to the window and gazed through the glass as he continued the song,

"_**I have never seen that dress you're wearing,"**_ and as he let his eyes wander over the swooping neckline and the way the material clung to the smooth curve of her hips and the exquisite bump on her belly that marked their first child, Luka decided that Abby would have to wear that dress _a lot_ more often.

Pratt and Morris abandoned their positions behind Luka and smashed through the doors, closely followed by Luka who slowly made his was over to Abby, who feigned ignorance and became intensely absorbed in mopping up some of the blood from the patient's arms and chest while Luka sang,

"_**Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eye, I have been blind,"**_ and as he said that, Ray jumped up from somewhere and covered Luka's eyes with his hands.

The music continued and Luka wrapped his arms around Abby from behind and sang,

"_**The lady in red,"**_ at this point, all of the hospital staff in the room pointed at the 'blood' that was smeared and splashed all over Abby's hands and arms, (but magically, not on her crisp, white dress,) _**"Is dancing with me,"**_ Luka went on as he and Abby swayed in time to the music. Then he span her around in his arms and they carried on moving, this time so closely together that the camera couldn't capture any visible space between their bodies, _**"cheek to cheek."**_

Suddenly the crowd of about twenty extras and cast ducked under the gurney, behind the crash carts and a few even ran out of the room while Luka sang,

"_**There's nobody here, it's just you and me, it's where I wanna be."**_

Somewhere to the right of the camera, an extra collapsed onto the ground in silent hysterics at the irony of the scene whilst trying to signal that something was very wrong. Everyone on the set instantly started to look around; trying to figure out what needed doing.

Luka guessed first and hissed, "The patient, Morris," as he casually yanked on the leg off the body lying on the gurney.

Abby gasped in a mixture of shock and horror as the body crashed to the floor and its head broke away from its neck. (Such is the wonder of prophetic dummies… they look so real and yet can do a ton of things that the human body simply can't, for example they can be decapitated which is actually not particularly useful on a show that aims to be as realistic as possible, but whatever.)

"Oh!" Squeaked Morris as a hand shot out from beneath the gurney and the body was dragged into hiding. This was followed by the same hand soon after to deal with the patient's head.

With astounding vitality, enthusiasm and a flamboyant dip of Abby in his arms, Luka belted out the next line,

"_**And I la la laaaaa, this lady by my siiiide!"**_

Abby snorted in a very un-ladylike way, (come to think of it, is it even possible to snort in a ladylike manner?)

"The lyrics didn't fit did they, Hunk?" She teased, flicking his nose playfully.

"Hmm?" He muttered, all flustered, "Sorry, I was erm… thinking about possible alternative lyrics?"

"Bah!" Ray's chortling voice boomed from behind the camera, "So I take it your search took your eyes on a convenient trek down the front of Abby's dress?"

"Oh come on Ray, let's not play the innocent, I'm completely aware that you take every opportunity to look straight down _all_ of my tops," Neela whispered into her boyfriend's ear. Well, at least she _thought_ that she was whispering, and in all fairness she _was_, but the microphone attached to the strap of her dress, the very same one that was projecting her voice right across the set, sort of ruined that.

A blush that rivalled the rich crimson of the 'blood' on-screen crept onto Neela's face as she clapped a hand to her mouth and buried her face into her boyfriend's chest. Ray on the other hand, felt next to no shame at all and made no attempt to deny it, despite the roaring laughter surrounding them both.

The director, watching all of this in complete horror, his nails piercing the skin of his palms by way of his tightly clenched fists, could not take it anymore. He blinked, pinched, slapped and practically pummelled himself, begging whoever, whatever, to wake him up and for all of this to be a dream. No, a nightmare, a sort of life-shattering nightmare… but this was to no avail. To his dismay, Abby, Luka and the rest of the people on the screen who were subsequently ruining his life, were still prancing around on the screen, practically drowning in an ocean of red 'blood.'

The director leapt up from his chair, dramatically slammed his finger down onto the "stop" button on his VCR and practically flew out of his door, into his SUV and tore away from the curb at full speed. His journey to the studios was fairly complicated, woven around the Chicago streets, but his aim was clear: to stop the catastrophe that was unfurling at all costs. As he pulled up outside the 'County General Hospital' set, the director pondered whether or not he would have to resort to murder in order to protect the show. He decided, just as he marched through the ER doors, that surely he would not, and could not be held responsible for the mass murder of the ER cast and crew since he was _certain_ that in this case, his actions would be considered to be nothing more than justifiable homicide.

In juxtaposition to the disaster scene he expected, on entry to the ER, the director was greeted with a sight of, well, nothing out of the ordinary. The gurneys were all lined up in order, each surrounded by a curtain and with a crash trolley by its side. Everything was as it should be. Only, the director knew all too well that something was not right. It was too clean, too 'blood'-free, too good to be true. Why did everything look normal? More importantly, where was the man leading the revolt that had wrecked an already cataclysmic birthday…? Where was Luka Kovac?

Suddenly, the entirety of the cast and crew popped up from behind the admit desk, everyone brandishing party hats, streamers and collectively, a banner adorned with the words: "Happy Birthday Mr. Director, Sir," and in brackets beneath this, "(please don't shout at, fire or kill us! The video was a joke, we're sorry.)

"SURPRISE!" Everyone yelled before cheering wildly and setting off an explosion of party poppers and threads of coloured paper across the ER.

The director's mouth hung open in disbelief as everyone sang their very own tuneless rendition of "Happy Birthday!" to him. Then, a beaming grin stretched across his face; they had not forgotten his birthday as he had suspected, and most importantly, the video wasn't serious; it would not be aired, ratings would not go down. With every second that passed, the director inhaled more and more air, and with it, more and more relief rushed through his veins. He was still undecided whether or not the banner and party celebrations made up for the agonising torment Luka had put him through. He came to the conclusion that as long as he was left alone for a few moments to compose himself, he would be able to suppress the urge to throw things at Luka's head.

For this reason, it probably not the best time for Hope to make her presence known, but what's a girl to do?! We couldn't possibly change this, its not like this show is scripted! However, as it was, Hope bounded over to the director, a cake in one hand, and a knife in the other. Morris chased after her, a look of fear flitting over his face as he reached forward to grab the potential murder weapon out of his girlfriend's hand; it just wasn't safe for someone with the energy and lack of awareness of danger of a 5-year old to be holding something so sharp! Morris passed the knife to the director gingerly, (ironic, eh? Being that Morris is renowned largely due to his hair colour!) and in spite of himself, Luka stepped back and positioned himself slightly in front of Abby in order to protect her; there still seemed to be a vague possibility that the director might take the chance he was given and inflict multiple stab wounds on them both.

"Seeing as it's your birthday…" Luka began with one of his 'killer' smiles as the director stood, a grin on his face and the knife 'safely' poised over the cake.

"…And officially it's also your day off and we've sort of taken over your whole director status…" Abby continued as she took up her position in Luka's arms and he pressed a butterfly kiss to her lips; he loved how she could continue his sentences.

"…It only seems right for us to say…" He said, winking at Abby as they both shouted,

"CUT!"


	16. Abby 3

**Written by: Heather  
**

**Artist: Kristin Chenoweth  
Song: Popular **

**Lyrics re-written by: Heather and Kenzie**

**

* * *

  
**

It had been at least a week and a half since any filming had happened on the ER set. Not because the writers didn't have a script, or because the director was on holiday. Not because the crew were on strike or the actors ill. Not even because the set had flooded, or blown away in a freak tornado. Simply because the casting director couldn't find any actors who wanted to play the new ER interns. They had hired Hope and Jane a while ago, and Larry at the beginning of the previous week, but now the director was getting desperate. He sighed heavily when he saw Tony Gates' number appear on his phone once again…it was time to make what many on the team had argued was a questionable move, he decided, as he picked up the phone…

"Stephen speaking" he said as he answered, barely having time to finish the sentence before Gates piped up, interrupting him.

"Ok, just let me speak," he gabbled, "I'll do it for half the money…and double the hours…please, just give me the chance to be an intern…please!"

The director sighed once again, "be here this afternoon" he said tiredly and hung up the phone before Gates had a chance to speak again.

A few hours later, the entire cast was assembled by the admit desk, as well as a few familiar faces, brought back for an episode due to Gates' low wages. The director smirked at the thought, this episode was bound to be a ratings hit!

"Right" he said loudly, walking towards the 4 new interns, "You will enter from the staff lounge, walk back towards the admit desk and look nervous. Very nervous. Pratt and Morris will lead you from there."

Gates looked scornful at the thought of showing nerves, but walked into the staff lounge with the other three as the director glared at him, a silent warning. Ray smirked as he and the other residents took up their posts around the hospital, ready for the scene to start.

The credits rolled (well they would when it was aired anyway), and only a few cast members groaned when the music started. The director noted their reaction; this time he could tell who had actually read the script! The cameras panned over to Pratt and Morris who were stood behind the desk. They turned to the approaching interns, who were all doing a great job of looking nervous thought the director, until he noticed Gates and turned away…ready to pull out his hair.

Morris picked up a handy patient chart and addressed his four prodigies "Now that you're interns, we've decided to make you our new project".

"You really don't have to do that" replied Gates, a little too scornfully for Pratt's liking. He faced Gates, looking slightly smug at the thought of his immense superiority.

"We know, that's what makes us so nice!" he replied, ignoring Ray's sly remark to Neela, that maybe they were being stupid rather than nice.

Pratt and Morris circled the interns, doing their best to look intimidating. They straightened Larry's lab coat and Hopes stethoscope, whilst making secret notes on their clipboards. Morris quickly checked the lyrics on his paper before opening his mouth and beginning the song…god he loved having solos!

"Whenever we see someone, less qualified than us," he began, "And let's face it, who isn't, less qualified than us??"

"Our tender hearts, Tend to start to bleed…" cut in Pratt, resisting the urge to perform any over the top dance moves, and simply resting his hand over his heart…cheesy!

Abby scoffed. "Tender? Yeah right…" she muttered to Neela, who couldn't stop herself from giggling and had to be removed from the set by an agitated director.

"When someone needs a plaster-cast, You really have to move quite fast, _We_ know _We_ know exactly what they need" crooned Morris as a man on a gurney with a lurid green plaster cast on his arm was wheeled past at a break neck speed, followed closely by a stream of worried looking doctors with crash carts.

Proving just how awkward he was going to be, Gates turned to the other 3 interns and explained to them in no uncertain terms, that people with broken limbs weren't nearly as critical as other patients, and really, any man who wanted a bright green cast would be best left with a broken arm anyway.

"And even in your case, Tho' it's the toughest case we've yet to face, Don't worry – We're determined to succeed!" they sang, desperately attempting to harmonise, "Follow our lead, And yes, indeed, You…will…be…"

"Do-octors" piped up the rest of the cast, "You're gonna be do-octors"

"We'll teach you the proper pose, When you diagnose, Little ways to write a chart," sang Ray and Neela. Charts in hand, they both approached an elderly patient and struck catwalk poses, trying not to laugh at Pratt's shocked face.

"I'll show you what pills to give, How to make them live," added Abby, throwing a handful of pills over the set, as if it was confetti.

"Everything that really counts…" prompted Hope, before everyone joined in again, "To be do-octors, We'll help you be do-octors"

Congregating the 4 interns and ordering them to follow him, Pratt led them briskly in the direction of trauma 1, continuing the song which he had decided was fast becoming one of his favourites! "You'll hang with the right departments, You'll have an..." he paused, considering the rest of the line before continuing "…ok apartment"

"Know the terms you gotta know" chipped in Ray, brandishing a large book with the words 'medical dictionary' emblazoned across the front, and grinning at Gates, "So let's start…'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go."

Determined not to let anyone else interrupt his next solo, Morris stopped everyone in the doorway and stood on a gurney, glaring at everyone who smirked when he nearly toppled off. He regained his composure and adjusted his stethoscope before beginning "Don't be offended by my frank analysis, Think of it as personality dialysis, Now that I've been made to become a pal, a…Mentor and Advisor, There's nobody wiser…"

Both Pratt and Luka coughed loudly at this statement, but Morris continued unshaken "…Not when it comes to Doctoring, I know about Doctoring, And with an assist from us, To be who you must, Instead of merely who you were, are… There's nothing that can stop you, From becoming do-o-octers... ars" he finished spectacularly with a pirate 'arrrrr'.

The rest of the cast (other than the interns of course) who had become slightly bored of Morris's rant and had returned to treating the increasing number of patients who had walked, crawled or been wheeled into the hospital, all turned round and joined in with him, gaining a round of applause from the director for their amazing timing. "La la la la, We're gonna make you Do-octors!"

"When I see depressing newbies, Out to irk those lovely luby's" Pratt sang, and Abby and Luka needed little more encouragement than this to leap into each others arms in a slightly over-passionate embrace. Gates took the opportunity to look away in disgust, which earned him a glare from everyone and a 'I told you so' look from Pratt, "I remind them on their own behalf, To think of, All the doctors gone before that, would have shoved them out the door."

Perfectly on cue, Mark, Susan and Doug bust in through the front doors and hustled the 4 interns back towards the admit desk, turning to stare in horror at Pratt's next lines.

"Did they have brains or knowledge?" he sang loudly "Don't make me laugh!"

"Wait, wait wait' cut in Abby, winking at the 3 old cast members "they really did have brains and knowledge…more than some of these guys anyway"

"You'd better believe it" replied Susan, "All those years of med school, int…"

Pratt and Morris looked at each other, and interrupted with the last lines of their song "They were, do-octors, please, It's all about doctoring, It's all about aptitude, And the way you're viewed… So it's very shrewd to be… Do-o-o-o-o-ctors… Like Us!"

"That doesn't even rhyme" said Gates scornfully, a look of surprise (and slight fear, although he would never admit it) crossing his face as the cast hurled whatever they were holding at the time in his general direction.

Pratt just had time for his final line "Why Miss Hope, look at you, you're a doctor" before the director yelled "CUT" and jumped in, attempting to save Gates from his predicament, loathe as he was to do so.

* * *

In Loving Memory of Doctor Gregory Pratt.

May your beautiful renditions of show tunes live on in our hearts

(I told you we were behind the times)


	17. Penultimate Chapter LUBY&REELA!

Chapter Seventeen- Ray&Neela&Luka&Abby

by Kenzie

(songs "S.O.S" by ABBA and "You Were Always On My Mind" by Elvis)

**Two Years Later...**

(or around that)

So much happens in one simple say of the ER, lovely readers, that it would be nearly impossible to summarise what has happened to our once song-filled cast in two whole years. When we last left you the director was celebrating his birthday and ratings were at an all time high. Love was in the air and our favourite shippings were constantly being reprimanded for disgusting shows of P.D.A. (Public displays of affection for those of you not in the know.) But now, two years later, things just aren't so rosy. We go first to our lovely Roomies. Their live has been riddled with pain. I won't tell you all the details, dear readers, as it is too painful for even me to speak of. Also you already know it all. Drunken brawls, car crashes and prosthetic legs do come to mind...

Superb, awesome, fantastic readers; let us just open the scene with a rushing El' train. And a familiar face as he walks down the platform. Ray Barnett, once rocker supreme, back in Chicago for one last episode/chapter. Or is he? He navigates the Chicago streets like a pro, one would never know his legs aren't even his. Let us focus in on his face. Grim and serious looking. But where is this beautiful face looking? Oh of course. The Ambulance bay of Chicago County hospital. His old home. He walks in, striding past the crowds of patients who are all for once silent. The air is crackling with tension. All we can ask ourselves is why. Why is he back in this place?

Nurses and doctors alike stand and stare as our lone hero strides through the hospital, gasps are all there is to be heard. He finds himself in the observation room on the surgery floor. There, through the glass, he can see a woman. She is deep in concentration. Which is a good thing considering she is the surgeon. Her arms are covered in blood as she performs this life-saving operation. But he still finds her beautiful. Even after all these years. Lifetimes seem to have passed, seasons have been and gone. (Note the pun on seasons!) The air around him, which so far has been filled with only poignant silence suddenly lightens and music begins to play.

"So much for a serious comeback," Ray mutters under his breath, rolling his eyes at the director.

The director merely shrugs, "It's what the audience want. It's a serious song, sort of."

With a raised eyebrow Ray pressed the intercom and began to sing; "_Where are those happy days? They seem so hard to find. I tried to reach for you but you have closed your mind._"

Neela didn't look up or respond in anyway. Her mind was still concentrating on the surgery. It was a lot to ask after all, for an actor to perform real surgery, but the director wanted it to look authentic.

Ray sang louder, "_Whatever happened to our love? I wish I understood! It used to be so nice, it used to be so good._"

When there was still no reply from Neela he scowled and picked up his bag. "Aha!" he said, pulling out a pile of photos. He began to stick them to the observation window as he sang the chorus, bursting his lungs to try and attract the attention of the one girl he'd ever loved. "_So when you're near me, darling, can't you hear me? S.O.S! The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S! When you're gone, how can I even try to go on? When you're gone, though I try how can I carry on?_"

At this Neela put down her scalpel. "That is utter bollocks. It was him that was gone!" she said to the patient who nodded sympathetically. We won't get into why the patient was awake during his procedure, it's a long and painful story... wow ER's full of those right?

"_You seem so far away, though you are standing near,_" Neela began to sing, removing her mask and looking up at the window where Ray was still sticking pictures of them -on and off the show- up. "_You made me feel alive, but something died I fear. I really tried to make it out, I wish I understood, what happened to our love, it used to be so good._"

At this the two former room-mates locked eyes. With a cheeky grin from Ray and a roll of the eyes from Neela they launched into the chorus; "_So when you're near me, darling, can't you hear me? S.O.S! The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S!_" Neela walked to the window and they both placed their hands together, separated only by the glass. The director wiped a tear away from his eyes. This was just coming together so beautifully. "_When you're gone, how can I even try to go on? When you're gone, though I try, how can I carry on?_"

In a moment of t.v magic suddenly Ray found himself in the operating theatre. Standing there, next to his lost love. "You're a bugger, you know that?" she said, giving him a playful punch.

"I love you," he said, sheepishly.

"I love you too."

And as they shared their first kiss for the last few years they were serenaded by the rest of the operating staff and even the poor patient; "_So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me? S.O.S! And the love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S!_"

As the screen fades away from our Roomies, we see yet another gorgeous man. This time, on a plane. Who is this man, I hear you ask, dear readers. Well it's our very own Croatian love-boat Luka Kovac. He too has had a pain-filled few years. Torn between his two families in two different countries he has spent only a few scenes on our t.v screens. And now where is this plane taking him? Away from us, away from Abby? WILL THERE BE NO MORE LUBY?

He pulls a photo from his pocket. It's slightly creased as if it has been looked at many times. It's a candid shot of Abby, taken just as she looks towards the camera with a scowl. He sighs. Oh what a beautiful sigh. And begins to croon; "_Maybe I didn't treat you, quite as good as I should have. Maybe I didn't love you, quite as often as I could have. Little things, I should have said and done, I just never took the time but you were always on my mind, you were always on my mind..._"

Singing softly and looking out the window, in his mind eye he sees the scenes he and Abby have shot together. Much like Elvis's own video it's just like a montage of home-footage. Laughter and smiles. Again the director kicks himself for making such an emotional scene. "Ok guys, this episode is already completely pain filled. Maybe we can spice things up a bit?"

Luka nods. "I do have an idea actually."

Suddenly the background disappears. He's no longer sat on a plane, looking morosely out of the window. He's sat on a stool, with a lone spotlight on him. But not only this; he is dressed in the famous get-up of the one, the only, the king; Elvis Presley. Quiff and all.

"_Tell me, tell me that your sweet love, hasn't died, give me give me one more chance to keep you satisfied, satisfieddddddddd."_

Another light comes on, illuminating Abby, in a red cocktail dress, sat at the bar. She doesn't seem to see our Luka sitting on stage, singing his lovely heart out. But he keeps on singing.

"_Maybe I didn't hold you, all those lonely lonely times. And I guess, I never told you, I'm so happy that your mine, if I make you feel second best, Girl I'm sorry, I was blind. You were always on my mind, you were always on my mind._"

When he sees she is still not noticing his heart-rending rendition he claps his hand. Suddenly the music doubles in tempo. "_Tell me, tell me that your love hasn't died!_" He jumps from the stage and rushes over to her. Taking her hand he pulls her onto the dance floor; "_Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied._" He grins as he pulls her close to him and raises her eyebrows. "_You were always on my mind._" And with that he pulls her in for a famous Luka-brand-smooch. R-ratings galore. The lights fade and then we see him back on the plane. He folds up the photograph and sings softly; "_Little things, I should have said or done, I just never took the time._"

"_You were always on my mind,_" sings another voice, our own Abby, as she sits in the seat next to him. "_You were always on my mind._" And she too treats him to a fiery kiss.

"That's all folks, that's a rap!" Shouts the director, as he sits back in his chair smugly. He's finally finally done it. Finished the series and even with the strange musical interruptions it's all gone pretty much without a hitch. He feels happy that he can now treat himself to a beer and get working on that Broadway musical he's always secretly wanted to make.

"Actually sir," a small pimply assistant says. "There's one more episode. The big finale, remember?"

"Oh bollocks."


End file.
